The Energetic Reason You Shouldn't Carry Credit Card Debt

I've been working on consolidating my credit card debt into a loan so that I can pay it all off once and for all. If you're an avid reader or follower of this blog you know that this is something I've been working on, off and on, for about 10 years. Money is simply an energy and I've been holding on to a few truths about money in my space for awhile now. Mostly that I'm bad with money, can't handle having large amounts of it and that I don't deserve to live a life of abundance.

While reflecting with a psychic genius friend of mine this morning I had an enlightening AHA! My loan came through this morning and I joyfully spent the morning paying off large chunks of debt with high interest rates! It was joyful, empowering and FUN! Then it hit me. All of the things that I had used my credit cards for were energetically stuck in my space, following me around, making it difficult for me to attract and accept more abundance. Every time I had to use my card out of guilt because I didn't have enough money in my account to buy groceries was stuck in my space. When I had to pay the vet $900 for my little dog who was attacked by a coyote, was doing the same thing! All of that fear, anxiety, terror and GUILT that I let her get attacked was STILL in my space.

Of COURSE, there were some good memories in there as well. My families trip to Mexico to celebrate my Dad's 65th birthday was a big amount of debt I was carrying that had a positive vibration to it, but it still made it hard for me to find the space in my life to enjoy something like that again.

I have no doubt that if I used my cards consciously and made sure before each purchase that I did it from a place of abundance, joy and freedom that I COULD make the energy of my credit cards work for me. I know for a fact that I wasn't.

So why is this loan different? Because I accepted it from a place of power, allowing me the freedom to get my debt under control and be a fucking adult. It carries with it the vibration of all of those things and there is definitely not any guilt attached to it!

Adulting it up in every part of my life!

Why now? Why this age? Why am I freaking out?

I have always been proud of the fact that I am a positive person. I can always find the joy, bliss, freedom, silver lining in any moment in my life. Things can be crashing down around me and I can consciously say, "There has to be a lesson in here somewhere", or "This is happening for a reason" and actually believe it. This year has been different and I don't know why.

Why now? Why 34? Why am I suddenly really angry, frustrated and just plain mad that I don't have everything I want? Not to mention, I feel like a failure.

I've been living in Los Angeles for 12 years now, pursuing a career in entertainment as an actress, writer and producer, and I am proud of the life I lead everyday. Lately, I haven't been able to see all the fun, wonderful things that I have done and the life that I have created for myself, all I can see and feel is the failures. I haven't booked a role on Television, I haven't been in any films with a wide theatrical release, I've been waiting tables for too GOD DAMN long and I've been on Mother F-in avail for more commercials than I care to admit.

I'm also 34, single, with no real prospects in sight.  I've never felt pressure to be married or start a family before, but 34 has brought this into my world. Is it me just letting myself know that I'm really ready for this? The science of my body saying, "Hey, you ain't getting any younger!" - Rude. Really rude. I'm not getting any pressure from my family, but as I watch my niece and nephew get older, I long for them to have cousins to grow up with and experience life with built in friends the way that we did.

I personally know people who's journey in Hollywood took 15 years or longer before they hit a level of success where they could quit their "day job" and actually make money acting. Eric Stonestreet of Modern Family was in LA for 15 years before he landed that life changing role. I was working at Kate Mantilini with Kate Flannery, waiting tables every day, when she had trouble letting go of her shifts at the restaurant even though The Office was renewed for a 2nd season and one of the most popular sitcoms on at the time, because she had seen almost successes for so long, it was almost impossible for her to comprehend that this was HER life changing role.

Sometimes chasing your dreams is hard, lonely, scary, full of doubt, pick your favorite doom filled adjective and run with it. BUT, in the long run there isn't much else I'd like to be doing. I've thought about going home with my tail tucked between my legs, really letting the failure, pity and sadness eek into my life, but that's not who I am. At my core I can find the silver lining and know that when I find my life changing role and the love that is meant to be my partner in crime, that it really will be the right time, right person, etc.

Bring it on 34, we've got 6 months to find our silver lining.