The Extinction of Unexpected Couples? or How Online Dating is Going to Ruin the Fun for the Rest of Us.

Recently, a friend reached out to me with a brilliant idea, she was going to set me up on a blind date with a friend of hers that she thought I would hit it off with. I've never been on a blind date so I thought, what the heck, why not? I've been pretending to online date for the past few years, and I say pretend because I go back and forth between actually following up and putting my energy into it. Which, I get, defeats the purpose, but I can only get so excited about so many people and send them enlightened, enchanting messages, only to never hear back from them all the while receiving messages from the douche bag who leads with, "Want to fuck?" for so long.

Its disheartening, so I immediately jumped at the idea of getting set up by a friend who knows me, knows who I am, what I like and presumably knows the guy she has in mind for me and thought, hey, they'd make a cute couple.

My girl texted me and said, "Can I give your info to my friend?" to which I replied, "Of course." "Great, sending it now," she said.

I never heard from the guy. Naturally, I asked my friend what happened. And she said, "Oh, he only dates Asian girls." and since I am most definitely not Asian, I didn't even get the chance to meet him.

Fine, I don't NEED to waste my time on a guy who does not want to date me from the get-go, but I had an epiphany after this happened. If this, order exactly what you want, down to height, hair color, ethnicity, online dating continues, we are going to see the Unexpected, "Really, THEY'RE together", kind of couples go extinct.

I may not be Asian, but WHAT IF, the two of us met, sparks flew and we found the love of our lives in an unexpected place? He'd spend the rest of our relationship looking at me, thinking, "Wow. Who woulda thunk it?" And maybe people who knew him would think, "Whoa, I thought he only dated Asian girls, how weird that he would fall for a white girl." (Which boggles the mind on a whole other level, because when do we get to start falling in love with people's souls instead of their packaging? But that's a whole other rant.) And perhaps I would be thinking, "I never thought I'd fall for a guy who's shorter than me, but WOW, just being next to him excites me, challenges me, inspires me. . . it doesn't make sense, but it does."

No one understood Mila Kunis dating McCauley Culkin for so long, but something about it worked!

Online dating may be expanding our dating pool by giving us access to people we'd maybe never come across, but its also limiting our ideas about what is possible. I've met many guys from Online dating and it is amazing how many times I've been VERY into someone via text and email but the second we got in the same room, face to face and felt one another's energy we were like, Holy cow, this is not going to work and WHY did I send him those racy pics? And vice- versa, walked into a room, made eye contact with a complete stranger, felt that spark, that pull, the magnetism and the knowing that somehow they were going to be a significant part of my life, even though had I come across them online I'd have swiped left.

Open your minds, open your hearts, get your head out of your computer and be OPEN to the unknown, that, my friends is when life gets FUN!

Why now? Why this age? Why am I freaking out?

I have always been proud of the fact that I am a positive person. I can always find the joy, bliss, freedom, silver lining in any moment in my life. Things can be crashing down around me and I can consciously say, "There has to be a lesson in here somewhere", or "This is happening for a reason" and actually believe it. This year has been different and I don't know why.

Why now? Why 34? Why am I suddenly really angry, frustrated and just plain mad that I don't have everything I want? Not to mention, I feel like a failure.

I've been living in Los Angeles for 12 years now, pursuing a career in entertainment as an actress, writer and producer, and I am proud of the life I lead everyday. Lately, I haven't been able to see all the fun, wonderful things that I have done and the life that I have created for myself, all I can see and feel is the failures. I haven't booked a role on Television, I haven't been in any films with a wide theatrical release, I've been waiting tables for too GOD DAMN long and I've been on Mother F-in avail for more commercials than I care to admit.

I'm also 34, single, with no real prospects in sight.  I've never felt pressure to be married or start a family before, but 34 has brought this into my world. Is it me just letting myself know that I'm really ready for this? The science of my body saying, "Hey, you ain't getting any younger!" - Rude. Really rude. I'm not getting any pressure from my family, but as I watch my niece and nephew get older, I long for them to have cousins to grow up with and experience life with built in friends the way that we did.

I personally know people who's journey in Hollywood took 15 years or longer before they hit a level of success where they could quit their "day job" and actually make money acting. Eric Stonestreet of Modern Family was in LA for 15 years before he landed that life changing role. I was working at Kate Mantilini with Kate Flannery, waiting tables every day, when she had trouble letting go of her shifts at the restaurant even though The Office was renewed for a 2nd season and one of the most popular sitcoms on at the time, because she had seen almost successes for so long, it was almost impossible for her to comprehend that this was HER life changing role.

Sometimes chasing your dreams is hard, lonely, scary, full of doubt, pick your favorite doom filled adjective and run with it. BUT, in the long run there isn't much else I'd like to be doing. I've thought about going home with my tail tucked between my legs, really letting the failure, pity and sadness eek into my life, but that's not who I am. At my core I can find the silver lining and know that when I find my life changing role and the love that is meant to be my partner in crime, that it really will be the right time, right person, etc.

Bring it on 34, we've got 6 months to find our silver lining.

Dating in Los Angeles Sucks! (A throwback blog from 2008)

I first posted this blog on MySpace, the wasteland of Social Media, and found it just today. . . reposting it here . . .

This evening at the swanky restaurant I work at I waited on what I thought was an average couple. It quickly turned into the strangest situation. Now, for those of you that don't know, where I work is a pretty swanky restaurant located in a fancy Hotel on a famous street in Los Angeles, READ EXPENSIVE. The kind of place I couldn't dine at without my 30% employee discount.

So, an average couple, I figured they knew each other, seemed to be having a good time. Their entrees arrive and they decide to go to the bathroom. They use the facilities and when I come back to the table, only the lady is there. I ask how everything is and she proceeds to tell me that she is on a first date with this gentleman and is really thrown by the fact that he just left her at the table. I asked if he had gone to the restroom, or what ? and she said that they had just visited the restroom. She surmised that he could be making a business phone call, since he is an extremely important business man, this was very important to her, she mentioned it many times. Still, she decided that this may be her issue and she was going to try and let it go because he was such a great catch and was a VERY IMPORTANT business man.

He returned to the table and I left. My manager approached me and mentioned that this man had come up to him and said he was on a first date and they were supposed to go to the STANDARD, but she had wanted to come here and HE DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR HIS CHECK. He was going through divorce and his credit cards were a mess. . . etc. My manager asked what the difference was and he said prob like $20. So my kind manager said, ok, when the check comes, put what you have in it, and we will talk then. He said he had $150. His check at this point was about $185.

The meal ended and I tried to stay away from the table and switched them to ice water, etc. I checked on them and she said she might have another glass of wine... if he would have another drink, He then LOOKED AT ME AND SAId, "I don't know should I have another drink." Like, wink, wink, you'll have to comp it. I said, 'I don't know. ' THEN HE ORDERED ANOTHER DRINK!!!! ANOTHER ROUND!!! HE ALREADY DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY HIS BILL. NOW, his bill is $220.

So, I finally dropped the check and ran. He then asked for a manager, while he was up at the front of the restaurant I went to talk to the lady with the intention of telling her how full of shit this guy was. . . She was all smiles. Turns out after he returned the first time she told him that she was bothered that he left her at the table and he fed her some bullshit that he went to meet the OWNER of the hotel, because he is a big business man and he needs to do things like that! SERIOUSLY, she bought it. THEN as he is negotiating payment he doesn't have, she thinks he is talking to the manager about ordering dessert and another glass of wine because they didn't realize the kitchen had closed. She thought he was being a huge hero by getting her a "special wine" and getting her dessert. While really, he was negotiating with my manager, leaving his drivers license, a check, and $100 saying he would come by tomorrow and pay for it. RETARDED>

I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell her the truth. I sort of feel that it is her fault she is in that situation. If she wasn't so obsessed with how much money he made, would she see through the lies?!

How desperate for love and companionship is she that she will wear blinders to create the perfect man?!

It really is the City of Lost Angels.