The Extinction of Unexpected Couples? or How Online Dating is Going to Ruin the Fun for the Rest of Us.

Recently, a friend reached out to me with a brilliant idea, she was going to set me up on a blind date with a friend of hers that she thought I would hit it off with. I've never been on a blind date so I thought, what the heck, why not? I've been pretending to online date for the past few years, and I say pretend because I go back and forth between actually following up and putting my energy into it. Which, I get, defeats the purpose, but I can only get so excited about so many people and send them enlightened, enchanting messages, only to never hear back from them all the while receiving messages from the douche bag who leads with, "Want to fuck?" for so long.

Its disheartening, so I immediately jumped at the idea of getting set up by a friend who knows me, knows who I am, what I like and presumably knows the guy she has in mind for me and thought, hey, they'd make a cute couple.

My girl texted me and said, "Can I give your info to my friend?" to which I replied, "Of course." "Great, sending it now," she said.

I never heard from the guy. Naturally, I asked my friend what happened. And she said, "Oh, he only dates Asian girls." and since I am most definitely not Asian, I didn't even get the chance to meet him.

Fine, I don't NEED to waste my time on a guy who does not want to date me from the get-go, but I had an epiphany after this happened. If this, order exactly what you want, down to height, hair color, ethnicity, online dating continues, we are going to see the Unexpected, "Really, THEY'RE together", kind of couples go extinct.

I may not be Asian, but WHAT IF, the two of us met, sparks flew and we found the love of our lives in an unexpected place? He'd spend the rest of our relationship looking at me, thinking, "Wow. Who woulda thunk it?" And maybe people who knew him would think, "Whoa, I thought he only dated Asian girls, how weird that he would fall for a white girl." (Which boggles the mind on a whole other level, because when do we get to start falling in love with people's souls instead of their packaging? But that's a whole other rant.) And perhaps I would be thinking, "I never thought I'd fall for a guy who's shorter than me, but WOW, just being next to him excites me, challenges me, inspires me. . . it doesn't make sense, but it does."

No one understood Mila Kunis dating McCauley Culkin for so long, but something about it worked!

Online dating may be expanding our dating pool by giving us access to people we'd maybe never come across, but its also limiting our ideas about what is possible. I've met many guys from Online dating and it is amazing how many times I've been VERY into someone via text and email but the second we got in the same room, face to face and felt one another's energy we were like, Holy cow, this is not going to work and WHY did I send him those racy pics? And vice- versa, walked into a room, made eye contact with a complete stranger, felt that spark, that pull, the magnetism and the knowing that somehow they were going to be a significant part of my life, even though had I come across them online I'd have swiped left.

Open your minds, open your hearts, get your head out of your computer and be OPEN to the unknown, that, my friends is when life gets FUN!

Guess what @THR you're part of the problem . . . Sexism in Hollywood.

I sat down this morning to read The Hollywood Reporters Emmy Issue. I love the Emmy's, I love television, I love being in the entertainment industry. What I saw on page 88 and 89 of this issue infuriated me.

ONE AFTERNOON, 24 EMMY WINNERS, 53 YEARS OF TRAILBLAZING TVAND ONE WOMAN?????!!!!

Are you kidding me? One woman is all you can think of that's left a trailblazing mark on television? Perhaps its because they went through the history of TV and it was a timeline and only recently have women been able to fight their way into Hollywood as show runners, creators and executives? Even the wording of the blurb at the top of the page is maddening, "as drama 'it' boys traded notes with comedy gods" We have IT BOYS and comedy GODS but no IT GIRLS or Comedy GODDESSES? 

What about Lucille Ball? I Love Lucy? and sure, maybe you had to be alive to be a part of this discussion, and maybe you also had to be a white man? 

Here are some LADIES that I think deserved to be on this list, in this article, a part of the discussion. 

LUCILLE BALL -- "I LOVE LUCY"  She's THE TRAILBLAZER, one of the first to create her own show as well as her own production company.

TINA FEY -- "30 Rock"  -- Wikipedia says. . . 

30 Rock was a runaway critical success, winning several major awards (including Primetime Emmy Awards for Outstanding Comedy Series in 2007, 2008, and 2009 and nominations for every other year it ran), and achieving the esteemed top ranking on a myriad critics' year-end best of 2006-2013 lists.^[2] On July 14, 2009, the series was nominated for 22 Primetime Emmy Awards, the most in a single year for a comedy series.^[7] Over the course of the series, it was nominated for 112 Emmy awards and won 16, in addition to numerous other nominations and wins from other awards shows. 

WINNIE HOLZMAN -- "My So Called Life", not only did I love this show, but according to Wikipedia, "The show was praised for its portrayal of adolescence and the commentary of its astute central character, Angela. My So-Called Life was named the second Best School Show of All Time by AOL TV.^[6] It placed No. 33 on Entertainment Weekly's "New Classics TV" list of shows from 1983 to 2008,^[7] and then, in 2012, at No. 9 in that magazine's "25 Best Cult TV Shows from the Past 25 Years," with the praise,

It was the first teen drama that didn't feel like an after-school special. No one ever learned a very important lesson or uttered the phrase 'I love you, Dad.' Angela acted like a real 15-year-old, with all the crying jags and Buffalo Tomconcerts that implies. What's even more impressive is that anyone who watched the show back in the '90s, when angst and Manic Panic felt totally of the moment, can now enjoy it on a very different level. Suddenly, Angela's parents are relatable.^[8]

In 2007, it was listed as one of Time magazine's "100 Best TV Shows of All-TIME".^[9] TV Guide ranked the series #2 on their 2013 list of 60 shows that were "Cancelled Too Soon".^[10] and in 2004 ranked it number 16 on its 25 Top Cult Shows Ever list ^[11] however the ranking was later withdrawn in an updated list published three years later, saying it "had not withstood the test of time".^[12] "

Yes, it was only around for one season, but I would argue that it had an effect on many of the shows created after it, like "Freaks and Geeks".  

SHONDA RHIMES -- I would argue that this is the most glaring omission from THR's list. Shonda is a woman, but she's also a woman of color, she's fighting double the battle and she's created three of the most successful shows for ABC, "Grey's Anatomy", "Private Practice" and "Scandal"! Soon to be a 4th with the premiere of  "How to Get Away With Murder". 

Shonda Rhimes (born January 13, 1970) is an American screenwriter, director, and producer. Rhimes is best known as the creator, head writer, and executive producer of the medical drama television series Grey's Anatomy, its spin-offPrivate Practice and political thriller series Scandal. In May 2007, Rhimes was named one of TIME magazine's 100 people who help shape the world.^{[1] - Wikipedia} 

^{JENJI KOHAN -- Literally the biggest trailblazer in television right now could be Jenji Kohan, changing the face of television and what we know about it with "Orange is the New Black" a show where the majority of the cast is female AND ethnically diverse, its also found incredible success on a new platform of television, airing solely on Netflix, she also created "Weeds".} 

Kohan has received seven Emmy Award nominations, winning as supervising producer of Tracey Takes On.... She shared a CableACE Award in 1996 for her work on that show. She received her first nomination for her show Weeds in 2009, for Outstanding Comedy Series. She was nominated for a Producers Guild of America Award in 2007, and two Writers Guild of America Awards.^[23]

In 2014, Kohan was named one of Time's 100 Most Influential People.^[24] In 2014, Orange is the New Black was nominated for 12 Emmys.^{[1] - wikipedia} 

^{LENA DUNHAM -- She's 27 and she's already blazed a trail, whether or not you like Hipsters, she's making a name for herself in TV with "Girls".} 

^{Lena Dunham (/ˈlinə ˈdʌnəm/ lee-nə dun-um; born May 13, 1986) is an American actress, screenwriter, producer, and director.[3] She wrote and directed the independent film Tiny Furniture (2010), and is the creator, writer and star of the HBO series Girls. She has received eight nominations for Emmy Awards as a writer, director, actress and producer and won two Golden Globe Awards for Girls. Dunham is also the first woman to win a Directors Guild Award for Outstanding Director in a Comedy Series.}

MARTA KAUFFMAN --- Maybe I spoke too soon? Marta could be the most glaring omission on this list as the co-creator of "FRIENDS", one of the most successful TV shows of all time? 

Marta Kauffman (born September 21, 1956) is an American writer and TV producer, best known as the co-creator of the popular sitcom Friends, alongside David Crane. Both Crane and Kauffman were also executive producer of the show, along with Kevin Bright. Crane and Kauffman have also produced Veronica's Closet, starring Kirstie Alley, and Jesse, starring Christina Applegate. From 2005–2006 she was an executive producer on Related. Both writers were the creators of the 1990 HBO series Dream On.

MINDY KALING -- Creator of "The Mindy Project" currently in its 3rd season on ABC, Mindy has trailblazed her way as a woman and an Indian American on TV. 

known professionally as Mindy Kaling, is an American actor, comedian, writer, and producer best known for portraying Kelly Kapoor on the NBC sitcom The Office and creating and starring as Mindy Lahiri in the Fox sitcom The Mindy Project. She is also a co-executive producer, director, and writer of several of the show's episodes. Kaling also wrote, was executive producer for and directed various episodes of The Office.

A simple Google search and memories of some of my favorite shows led me to 8 WOMEN that could have been included on your list THR. I know there are more. We're not doing enough to make Hollywood a balanced representation of the world. According to this article in the Huffington Post only 30.5 percent of TV staff writers are women.

"According to the most recent stats from the Writers Guild of America, about 30.5 percent of TV staff writers are women, and about 15.6 percent of TV writers are people of color; both numbers represent modest gains from the past. San Diego State University's Center for the Study of Women in Television and Film, which uses a different calculation method, puts the percentage of female TV writers for the 2012-13 season at 34 percent.

Yet according to SDSU's most recent study, 27 percent of women bear the title executive producer, and 24 percent are a "creator" -- numbers that have remained stagnant for a long time. In the 2010-11 season, "just 24 percent of the pilots in the pipeline for the season had at least one woman writer attached, while only 9 percent of the projects had at least one minority writer," according to the WGA." 

What's it going to take for Hollywood to find value in women? Are you helping or hindering the problem? THR, you're definitely not helping. 

Everything AND the Kitchen Sink

My Approach to Crowd Funding

            There were a few things I knew to expect during my crowd funding campaign on PasserBy and there were more than a few delightful surprises that I would have never expected. I knew going into my campaign that it wasn’t going to be easy. Money is tight everywhere these days and it takes a lot to get people to part with their hard earned money.  I’m a one-woman show these days, used to creating projects with a collaborative group, this time around I’m the writer, producer and actress on the project. I’ve chosen to work with a director that comes with his team of producers, makeup, camera guys, composer, the whole nine yards. On one hand, this is lovely and amazing, it makes my job as a producer much easier, but not when it comes to crowd funding. One of the keys to crowd funding is to appeal to your fans, to spread the word and reach as many corners of the world that you can. The more people you can list on your project and crowd funding page, the better chance you have at reaching your goal.

            I decided that I would do everything in my power to reach my goal. I threw everything AND the kitchen sink at my campaign. Here are the things that I did.

           

            1. Email Campaign – I sent an introductory email as soon as my campaign      launched on PasserBy using Mail Chimp, a free email service that allows you          to track clicks and opens of your email campaigns. I tried not to overwhelm   people with the amount of emails I sent, in the end I believe I sent 5 emails            over the course of three months. I lost some subscribers, but you can’t take it            personally, they may just be trying to stream line their life, or perhaps your          initiative and drive makes them realize their own lack of drive and initiative and its too painful to see, you never know, but you don’t have time to worry         about that, you’re running a crowd funding campaign!   Using the information    from Mail Chimp I  . . .

           

            2. Sent Personal Emails – Every few days I would send at least 2-5 personal emails to people who had clicked on the link in my email or had opened it            numerous times. I also emailed people that I don’t have on my mailing list     alerting them to my campaign but also asking them to help spread the word.

           

            3. Twitter and Facebook – My Twitter feed and Facebook page are now          covered with my PasserBy link and the “Tactics” poster. I sent at least one        message a day for the 90 days my campaign was active, and sometimes twice           a day. It can get annoying, but you have to remember how fast a Twitter feed        moves and how often posts can get lost on the Facebook. I’m pretty sure I lost           some “friends” on Facebook due to the amount of promoting I did, but it    doesn’t bother me, why would I want friends who aren’t supportive of what             I’m doing?

            4. Contests! – I decided to see if I could find some prizes that people would    want to win if they donated at least $20 to my campaign on a certain day.  For        instance, those who donated at least $20 on April 15-20^th would be entered to win a set of Season 1 DVD’s of the MTV show “Awkward” signed by actress            Desi Lydic. Desi and I were in an acting class together years ago and she was             kind enough to offer her autograph and she even tweeted her followers the    deal, no small offer, she currently has over 29,000 Followers!

            5. Press – I am lucky enough to have a relationship with one of the journalists           at my hometown paper, The Pueblo Chieftain (thanks to my Mom, the P.R. Maven, who scored me an interview when my first short film was in the Indie           Spirit Film Festival in Colorado Springs) so I contacted the paper and asked if         it would be possible to write something about my Crowd Funding campaign.            They did and a little blurb about my project ran in The Pueblo Chieftain!         

            6. Thinking outside the Box – PasserBy’s own Todd Metheny suggested that we do a Google Hangout and talk about my project, my experience in the film          business and as an actress, writer and producer. One Saturday morning, we connected via the Inter-webs and he set about asking me some very             insightful questions. Todd posted the 4 segments of our interview here on    the PasserBy blog and I used them in my Mail Chimp campaigns as well as all over my Facebook and Twitter feed. I think this was one of the most   successful things that we did. It garnered a lot of attention as well as gave me       a little more credibility and the opportunity for people to hear me talk about            the project. It gave them some insight into me and who I am and what I was        hoping to accomplish with my campaign and in my life! Plus, I’m a firm     believer that any time you can use your own personal energy to          communicate you will always be able to connect with others easier and on            a more personal level.

            7. Offer Credit – I offered to every actor, producer and filmmaker that I know           who are working on their careers, building IMDB credits and trying to get out            there, the opportunity to earn an Associate Producer credit. I extended to      them that if they could drive $500 to the campaign, I would give them Associate Producer credit on the film! One actor took me up on my offer and             raised             $500 for me! I am happy to give him the credit and it doesn’t cost me           anything!

            8. Have a TV show with a Cult following, major stars and lots of hype – Okay,             this wasn’t a “Tactic” of mine, but it did prove to be very beneficial for the          Veronica Mars Movie. In the middle of my campaign, I watched as Kirsten      Bell and Rob Thomas launched the Kick Starter for the “Veronica Mars”      movie. They told fans that if they could raise $2 million dollars, Warner Bros             would let them make a movie! With my jaw on the floor, I watched as by 11       am they had $1 million dollars and less than 11 hours later had their needed           $2 million, with 30 days left to go! In the end they raised over $5 million             dollars! This is and will be a game changer for the film industry! I would             expect to see lots of similar campaigns in the near future! Let’s hope they      have a little more help and support than poor Zach Braff!

            9. Cultivate Relationships – Hopefully, this is something that you do in your   life on a daily basis regardless of whether or not you’re running a crowd       funding campaign. In the end, most of the donations that I received came      from people that I know, that I respect and that respect me. I keep in touch      with people and care about what’s happening in their lives and their worlds. I          help spread the word about friend’s projects, shows, bands, business    ventures, etc. as much as I can.  Sharing a link on Facebook or Twitter can      take two seconds, but can foster a relationship that may help you for years to      come and lets face it, in Hollywood, your Facebook friend could be the head   of Disney in a few years, you never know.

            In the end, I didn’t quite reach my goal and the perfectionist, competitive side of me is not very happy BUT I raised $6500 out of my $12,000 goal.  Why $12,000? I set the goal based on the $10,000 my director budgeted for the film and the $2,000 to cover the cost of fees. There is A LOT that I will be able to do with the $6500, which after fees to PasserBy, Pay Pal and Stripe, ended up being around $5500, and I am extremely proud of what I was able to do but we will most likely have to run another campaign to raise funds for post production costs. The great thing about running a second campaign is, I already know what I’m doing AND by that time I will have a whole team on board, able to help spread the word!

            The best part of this whole experience was that I had a great excuse to get in touch with people that I hadn’t spoken to in years. I got the chance to catch up with people via personal emails and through Facebook. I learned that I have a lot of support in the chasing of my dreams. People that I hadn’t heard from in years, that I knew in college through my roommate or met in an acting class donated. I would get surprise messages on Facebook from old high school friends expressing how proud they are of me and how much they admire that I am out there, chasing my dreams. I was surprised by the amount of money some people donated, $500 with the request that we work together in the future, considering their donation as an investment in a future together! Absolutely, I’m on board, if you help me, I will help you! There is nothing better than helping friends achieve their dreams, especially if you help me achieve mine.

           

            Follow Elizabeth on Twitter @AnInspiredIdea or like her Facebook page, www.facebook.com/elizabethlaughs

           

           

Why now? Why this age? Why am I freaking out?

I have always been proud of the fact that I am a positive person. I can always find the joy, bliss, freedom, silver lining in any moment in my life. Things can be crashing down around me and I can consciously say, "There has to be a lesson in here somewhere", or "This is happening for a reason" and actually believe it. This year has been different and I don't know why.

Why now? Why 34? Why am I suddenly really angry, frustrated and just plain mad that I don't have everything I want? Not to mention, I feel like a failure.

I've been living in Los Angeles for 12 years now, pursuing a career in entertainment as an actress, writer and producer, and I am proud of the life I lead everyday. Lately, I haven't been able to see all the fun, wonderful things that I have done and the life that I have created for myself, all I can see and feel is the failures. I haven't booked a role on Television, I haven't been in any films with a wide theatrical release, I've been waiting tables for too GOD DAMN long and I've been on Mother F-in avail for more commercials than I care to admit.

I'm also 34, single, with no real prospects in sight.  I've never felt pressure to be married or start a family before, but 34 has brought this into my world. Is it me just letting myself know that I'm really ready for this? The science of my body saying, "Hey, you ain't getting any younger!" - Rude. Really rude. I'm not getting any pressure from my family, but as I watch my niece and nephew get older, I long for them to have cousins to grow up with and experience life with built in friends the way that we did.

I personally know people who's journey in Hollywood took 15 years or longer before they hit a level of success where they could quit their "day job" and actually make money acting. Eric Stonestreet of Modern Family was in LA for 15 years before he landed that life changing role. I was working at Kate Mantilini with Kate Flannery, waiting tables every day, when she had trouble letting go of her shifts at the restaurant even though The Office was renewed for a 2nd season and one of the most popular sitcoms on at the time, because she had seen almost successes for so long, it was almost impossible for her to comprehend that this was HER life changing role.

Sometimes chasing your dreams is hard, lonely, scary, full of doubt, pick your favorite doom filled adjective and run with it. BUT, in the long run there isn't much else I'd like to be doing. I've thought about going home with my tail tucked between my legs, really letting the failure, pity and sadness eek into my life, but that's not who I am. At my core I can find the silver lining and know that when I find my life changing role and the love that is meant to be my partner in crime, that it really will be the right time, right person, etc.

Bring it on 34, we've got 6 months to find our silver lining.