A Blogger's Challenge to You!

If I have learned anything about myself this year, its that I am pretty hard on myself. Even when I have incredibly productive days, or do amazing work in acting class, write something brilliant, or make someone laugh, I often think its not good enough.

Today is December 1st, 2010. We have one month left in this glorious year.  At the start of a new year, after Jan 1, we often sit down and write resolutions of what we resolve to do better in the next year. This month, before resolving what you can do better, I would love to challenge you to look back on 2010 and declare what you did pretty damn well! Instead of focusing on the fact that I didn't make money as an actor this year (yet. there are 30 days left), I will focus on the positive aspects of my career.

I don't care if you choose to list 10 things you did well this year, or one. Take a moment, reflect on the amazing-ness that is you and what you were able to do in a 12 month span and be proud. You should probably pat yourself on the back a little, gloat and share your successes with your friends. I encourage you to challenge your friends, loved ones, co-workers to participate as well! AND I would LOVE it if you would send them to me so I can celebrate you!

Walking my talk, as they say, here goes MY accomplishments for the year 2010. I am going to go month by month, listing at least one thing a month for my career, my self and my personal life.

Feel free to read my successes or move on to cataloging yours!  :)

January 2010 --
 C - Began a new acting class with Dee Wallace where I committed to removing any blocks that stand in my way from being in my power and succeeding in my career.
Did a casting director workshop with Michael Testa. 
S- Worked out 4 times this month and began a new job at the W Hotel.
P- Picked up some extra baby sitting gigs to bring in some more money. Book club!

February 2010 --
C- Filmed Comedy Sketch with Nate and Allison, participated in Directing Scene at AFI. attended master class with Voice Coach Roger Love at SAG, visited my commercial agent. Acting class every Monday, Lots of commercial auditions.
S- Hiked with friends, Did Book Pals training at SAG.
P- Hung out with my dad in Pomona at the Internationals. Hung out with Salma twice. Worked lots of Kids birthday parties.

March 2010 --
C - Auditioned and got called back for a short film at AFI! On avail for a Commercial! Went to a panel at SAG Foundation.  Acting class every Monday.
S- Did some yoga. Attended Dee's amazing Loving Me Playshop! Went on a first date with Elliott. Made an unknown, yet familiar connection with a new friend.
P- Took Salma to see America's Best Dance Crew! and to see the Last Song. Book Club!

April 2010 --
C- Filmed role in "Make it Happen". Game Show Testing. Participated in directing scene at AFI. Acting class every Monday. CD Workshop with Todd Sherry.
S - Went on an adventure in New York, putting my heart out there and giving it a shot, exploring new connection! Had this flash of brilliance, "My heart belongs to me. I am more than happy to share the light, love, joy and experience of it in small doses, large pieces, or the entire thing; but it is not something you will be allowed to possess for it belongs to me."
P- Crystalline Healing massage! One of my best finds of the year!!!

As I write these accomplishments down, even now, flipping through my planner  (did you think I had such an amazing memory?) I find myself judging certain things, I didn't work out enough, I didn't do enough for my career that month. . . wow. This next year I resolve to stop being so hard on myself and just love myself for the amazing person that I am and every little thing I accomplish!

May 2010--
C- Went to a reunion of the Hollywood Showcase, classes I used to take in CO. Had a meeting with prospective agent. Had a meeting with prospective manager. LANDED AMAZING Manager Eileen!!  CD Workshop with Debbie George. CD workshop with Paul Weber. Acting class every Monday.
S- Authentically shared who I am with Eileen, enabling me to land her as the kind of representation I have been dying to have. Had an AMAZING acting class. Went to the Getty!
P- Spent 2 weeks at home with the family, celebrating Gramma W and Billy's graduation from CSU. Moved in with Heather in Pasadena, enabling me to save money and focus on my career.
"True Power is when you are connected to your core and the source that you are."

                                The Whitmore family all together for Grandma Charlotte

June 2010--
C- Did Game show run thrus at ABC. Attended screening of Make it Happen. Met up with Kevin Kahn, career supporter and creative coach :  ) Did a DUET cabaret show at M Bar, where I sang 7 solos songs and 4 duets! WoW!
S- Started taking Cardio Barre classes! kick ass.
P- Book club! Took Salma to the Twilight: Eclipse Premiere! (Thank you Heather~!)

                                            Salma and I at The Twilight: Eclipse after party

"When you authentically feel something in your life, you should honor that feeling. Move into the experience of who you are. We feel, we experience. Stop apologizing for that."

July 2010-- 
C: CD workshop with Marlo Tiede. Audition for Private Practice. Acting class every Monday.
S: Crystalline Healing Massages! Participated in the Smile Portrait Project.
P: Hanging with Salma.

                          Amber Geneva and I in our shoot for the Smile Portrait Project by Faleena Hopkins.
                             Get involved at www.smileportraitproject.com

August 2010 --
C: CD Workshop with Tawny Gurrola Dicce. Participated in Directing Class at AFI. Went to Dallas Traver's free 3 hour class. Auditioned for Glow! Auditioned for Twilight: Breaking Dawn!

P: Attended Cardio Barre class regularly! Had a fabulous birthday party.

September 2010 --
C: CD Workshop with Elizabeth Campbell. CD Workshop with Erik Souliere. CD Workshop with Scott David. Started 6 week Actor's Career Cooperative with Dallas Travers.  Connected with new producing partner, director and editor extraordinaire.
S: Started Shattering the Facade Blog post and decided as a part of my birthday to be as honest and connected with myself as I could throughout this whole year, as well as honestly connecting with everyone I come in contact with.
P: Ballroom Dance classes!!! Cardio Barre regularly as well as walks and hikes.

October 2010--
C: Shot a small part in Glow. Volunteered at the Siren Society's Filmanthropy Film Festival. Dallas's class. Held consistent office hours for my career, working on my goals. Audition for Love Bites. Shot new head shots with Faleena Hopkins. CD Workshop with Jennifer Lare. Wrote Guru Letter to B.A. Blog was featured in Dallas's EZine. Connected with actor/ producers with similar interests. Created commercials for Crash the SuperBowl contest with Patrick.  Auditioned for musical that didn't end in tears!!! Met with Don Goodman about possible photo shoot, future collaborations. Acting class every Monday. Decided to produce and make Partnering, a romantic comedy that I wrote!
S: Psychic Meditation Class. Ballroom. Consistent Cardio Barre.
P: Attended Vanessa's comedy show. Salma. Krista and Jake's Perfect Sound Studio Party!

                                        Kurtis Bedford and I in Glow. Photo by Don Goodman

November 2010--
C: Shameless Audition! Volunteered 5 days at the AFI Film Festival, making lots of great career connections and new friends! Made 4 more Crash the Super Bowl entries! Held a Table read for Partnering! Organized and produced the filming of scenes for our reels, with members of my acting class and Patrick. Started Monthly E Zine. CD Workshop with Kendra Castleberry.
S: Gratitude Meditation led by Kris Cahill. Consistent Cardio Barre. Free writing every morning, followed by grounding and meditation.
P: Disneyland with Salma! The Griffith Observatory with Salma! Impromptu Dinner party!


Wow. Within the process of writing that I managed to make lunch, Facebook a little, watch some DVR, talk to some people on the phone. . . you name it, I distracted myself with it. Self reflection is so hard sometimes and so important.

While the list above may seem only to be a listing of events or things I did this year it helped me to realize a few things. This year I have learned that by authentically sharing who I am with people I allow them the chance to really see me and decide if they want to be a part of my life. I learned that speaking the truth about who you are and what you want out of life doesn't mean using people to get to the top, but allows an honest, open connection in order which to build and foster relationships with people.

One of the biggest lessons I learned this year was that by not going into reaction about a situation and just opening myself up to the idea that everything happens for a reason can lead you to a place or a person you could never have imagined. I met my friend Tony online dating early last year. He and I went on a few dates and had a great time hanging out. However, he was dating other people at the same time and ended up connecting with someone else more than he and I did. He decided to start dating her exclusively and we stopped hanging out. Normally I would have said, f- him, I don't need him, how dare he pick someone else over me. . . BUT, I didn't I just said cool, we'll be friends and it will be awesome. Little did I know that Tony's friends call him The Connector because he's known for connecting people in his life for business and other reasons. Through Tony I met my fabulous new producing partner, director and editor extraordinaire, Patrick. Within the last month or so of knowing Patrick I've been able to create more and move forward in making my own dreams happen, including deciding to produce my own movie! I'm so grateful for Tony and the connection he made with Patrick and I, plus now I have new friends, including his girlfriend Candice! Had I swore off Tony, I would never had made this connection!

Sometimes growing up sucks, but most of the time, making the grown up decision and reacting in a sensible, non-emotional way leads to a much brighter ending!

Whether or not you hung in with me until the end of this blog, I hope you did the exercise of cataloging all of your successes from the year. I have a clearer vision of who I am becoming, who I am and who I want to be, where I want to be and the resolutions I want to make for 2011! This coming year is going to be a magical one. How can it not? It begins on 1-1-11!!

To magic, dreams, and knowing.
Shattering the Truth behind who you really are.
Much Love,
Elizabeth

Crashing the Super Bowl

We made a Doritos commercial as part of the Crash the Super Bowl Contest. You can see it here.

http://www.crashthesuperbowl.com/#/gallery/?video=940

If you don't want to watch their lovely graphics, just click skip in the right corner!

I made it with my new producing partner Patrick Fogarty! The concept was his idea, Andy and I improvised the dialogue and the button at the end was my idea. :) Enjoy, view it lots and lots and share it around! The more views the better!

Shattering Honest Connection, Real Feelings and Male/ Female Friendships.

A crush is a powerful thing. Your crush remains powerful until it becomes known. When you see someone that sparks that spark and ignites that hope, there's not much you can do to destroy the image of them that intrigued you in the first place. It usually only starts to die or erode the more that you actually interact with them. I personally LOVE crushes. I LOVE the excitement of meeting someone new and dancing around them with a spark of interest and laughter. I say dance because that is how it feels when this magic happens; like your energy is dancing around one another.

I have crushes ALL the time. Sometimes they last a moment, sometimes they last years, sometimes a few days,  but they all pan out differently. I have been working on living a year of honest connection and doing my best to connect truthfully with everyone that I come into contact with. It has been an interesting journey so far, but sometimes it creates confusion amongst myself, and the person I'm connecting with. Think about this, when was the last time that you actually looked someone in the eyes? I ask, because I have noticed that there are an alarmingly SMALL amount of people that will actually look you in the eyes when you talk to them. I was one of those people, and I had no idea, until I realized, that I could not tell you the color of my best friends eyes. How was that possible? I live with Megan, we work together, we hang out together, spend a lot of time together, yet I couldn't tell you what color EYES she had? I was shocked. I thought, wow, this is a serious problem. From that point on, I vowed that I would know what color of eyes all of my friends have. I took it one step deeper and embarked on a journey of growth that is ongoing (obviously) as it always should be, and it has now evolved into connecting on a deeper level with everyone I interact with.

Here lies the issue: People do not connect on a regular basis, face to face, or voice to voice even. A lot of time is spent connecting via Facebook or texting,  and I.M.ing, that its almost as if we have forgotten how to connect with each other if its not in digital form. I try to go through my days now making eye contact,  sending them my energy and being open to receive others energy and what they're all about.

It has been an interesting experiment. They get confused. I get confused. Why? Well, I meet someone, look them in their eyes, they make eye contact back and that dance of energy starts to happen, but because we're so unfamiliar with such a connected exchange, people misinterpret its meaning.  Suddenly he thinks I'm interested, or I think he's interested. We have an interesting conversation and connect on a deeper level, I think wow, this guy is awesome, I could date him, and then he mentions his live in girlfriend, wife, etc. Make sense? So, my question is; is it just that we used to know how to play this game and dance this dance with one another and we've simply forgotten? Because when we connect in this manner as opposed to crafting a well written text, FB message, online dating profile, etc, we have the time to craft it with a perfect amount of wit and charm, with the safety of deleting things we are unsure of?? Limiting and deleting the delicious flaws and flubs that make all of us so beautifully human?

Is this an ability that we have lost or simply a new skill that we are cultivating? Its fair to say that most relationships in the 50's and 60's were lacking a deep, emotional connection. (Of course there are exceptions, my grandparents being one of them). A lot of people found their husbands or wives within a five mile radius to the home they grew up in. Today, it is entirely feasible to meet the love of your life within the confines of your own home, even though they live across the world in Singapore. The world has gotten bigger and more accessible, all the while making it feel smaller and smaller. I often think about what my life would be like had our world remained small and limited. Would I have found a boy in my hometown that I settled down with and raised a happy family?! Maybe? Or perhaps all of the past generations and their struggles to define relationships and break out of traditional molds have led us to this exact place?

Which leads me to my next question. Can men and women simply just be friends? I've had multiple conversations about the differences between men and women. Since the dawn of existence men were designed to spread their seed and keep the human race alive, while women were built to nurture and mother, take care of the human race. Is it so embedded in our bodies from past lives and experiences that we are unable to overcome our cave man tendencies? Or is this a convenient excuse?

Someone said to me recently that in every man/ woman friendship there lies different degrees of sexual attraction. I would like to think that I am adult enough to be able to control my attraction to someone that is unavailable or in a relationship. And I will say that so far, I have been.  There have been studies about the science of attraction and proof that levels of desire and chemistry vary within different partnerships. That the more time you spend with a partner with that high level of chemistry the stronger it gets. Does chemistry have the ability to override judgment, morals and ethics in solid, trustworthy, reliable people? I can't say that this is something I've ever experienced. There were boys in college that were in a relationship that I enjoyed getting attention from, but it wasn't a chemical thing. Back then it was an insecurity issue, and having myself validated through their attention.

One thing is for certain, human beings are complex, complicated people who have to be able to function in ever changing and challenging environments. I LOVE IT. I love the ride and the experience of showing up and being 100% present in every moment and every connection. I don't know that there are answers to all of my questions, but I'd rather buckle up and swerve through this little obstacle course we call life than sit in the driver seat terrified to turn the key in the ignition.

Get out there and shatter that facade of connection you carry with you. Confuse yourself. Confuse them. Let's dance. 

A RESPONSE TO : Can Hollywood Shatter its "Blockbuster" Image and help Heal and Change the world?

This was written by my cousin Liberty. I appreciate all of the thought and time she put into this!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I apologize in advance. I started responding to your blog and got a little out of control. My response is more of a blog of my own, but I’ve been thinking a lot about your question from last week. I have not been able to come up with a single movie that changed the world or had a positive effect on society, at least not directly. However, I don’t think that is the point. I cannot think of any direct, positive effect Beethoven or Shakespeare or Strauss or Bronte had on their own societies. But their impact and legacy is still shaping both individuals and society today. Ultimately, the question is: what is the value of storytelling and how has film contributed to the human storybook?

Archeologists tell us that humans have always told stories. I wasn’t there, so I am not sure, but the few cave drawings I’ve seen seem to prove that early story tellers moved to visual media quickly. An image conveys an experience when language fails us – therein lies the possible potency of photograph and filmmaking. We have a rich history of tales and tunes, of drawings and carvings that document the human experience. Isn’t that really what movies are about? Whether reenacting or inspiring action, they are about the sharing the human experience.

Movies can be escapist and trite and pure popcorn – empty as air. But the same mindless humor of The Other Guys can be the one-liner that bonds two new friends or breaks the ice at an awkward dinner party. We are banded together and given a common vocabulary. Who in our generation hasn’t talked for hours with someone that quoted Will Farrell at a bar or made an off-hand Judd Apatow reference at a friend’s BBQ? Somewhere in America, someone just compared their job to Office Space and the cultural shorthand allowed the entire room to empathize. Each Halloween the costumes demonstrate that film characters and costumes are iconic.

Movies can grant you a reprieve. Laughter is the best medicine and we all need a good cry now and again. I often walk out of a theater feeling refreshed and reinvigorated. Rarely is this because of the movie itself, but because I was able to finally laugh out loud at the end of a tough week. If others have the same reaction, isn’t the decrease in stress a betterment to society? Don’t we all need a little Tina Fey in our day?

Movies can throw light on something you may have let slip into shadow. You may want to call your grandma after The Proposal or break-up with your boyfriend after 500 Days of Summer. Would you have waited another week without an nudge from the film? We can never know what cautionary tale someone may take from the coffee shop conversation in the next romantic comedy or gory death scene from the next action flick – but someone, somewhere, may finally decide that they must get off the couch and take up kick-boxing. Who isn’t better off with a little cardio in their life?

Movies can make us feel less alone. Romantic comedies and buddy films, family dramas and angstful indies all seek to capture the relationships and routines we deal with everyday. Audiences see they are not the only one eating take out over the sink or losing touch with their kids. The film may provide a road map to resolve these issues or give stellar examples of what not to do, but at least they say hey, someone out there is struggling with this, too. Watching a big Hollywood star trip over herselves helps us to laugh at our own follies. Watching the everyman character tackle extraordinary events gives us something priceless, hope. If Tom Hanks can do it, I can too.

Movies can teach us about the world we don’t see in our backyard. Your blog on this subject captures some of this I think. The Blind Side, a book first, and the real actions of a real family before that, exposed the world to events that should be celebrated. It is not the actual film that bettered the world, but it certainly drew attention to positive action, and by doing so likely encouraged some of the audience to change their own ideas and lives. Lean on Me, Stand and Deliver, Extraordinary Measures, Milk, Take the Lead, Gorillas in the Mist, Norma Rae, Glory, Iron Jawed Angels - Just a few movies that share the dedication and efforts of the few on a national scale or remind us of sacrifices made by generations past. These movies affect each individual differently, but I am sure a measureable number are inspired to look deeper or change their own actions.

Films based on a true story also serve as great tools of education. Mongol, Elizabeth, The Last King of Scotland, Letters from Iwo Jima – all tools to get students to experience the story in history. While often inaccurate, the spark of interest can be shaped to the desire to learn more of the truth. Is this different than millions of high schoolers reading Charge of the Light Brigade or Henry V? Say what you will about Titanic (and I personally have a lot of negative to say), but interest in the event, the survivors, and ocean exploration skyrocketed after the film was released. Robert Ballard’s fame increased in the same scale as Leonardo DiCaprio’s. Funding for exploration and research, for student education and museum exhibits came pouring in. (Similarly, the technology created for Avatar has already been applied to educational wildlife films). Ultimately, histories and biopics don’t change the world, but they pushed education and technology forward; they tell stories that make history, politics, or ecology come alive.

But both of the previous paragraphs involve retellings – capturing a true event and relying on those events to inspire the audience. What of fiction? Can people of our imaginations change the world? Movies, books, songs, poetry - they show us what could be. They highlight our absurdities and paint them in broad strokes where they are safer and contained, but still spark self-reflection or discussion. Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner let the world watch a beloved couple experience something that may have otherwise seemed inconceivable. Yes, real families did it first, and without a script or a director, but they did not invite the public in to view it. Movies let us watch people we connect with face the unknown – and then the unknown is far less scary.

Finally, movies can truly inspire. They may not inspire a nation, or a generation, but there are people in law school now because of North Country; there are journalists who got on the student paper after Frost/Nixon or State of Play; there are students who are considering the military or becoming a historian because of Band of Brothers and The Pacific; there are people signing up for the CIA or FBI or Peace Corp or AmerCorp or engineering school or marketing programs because movies highlight careers and causes alike and people are moved to action. And some of those people will change the world.

Ultimately, movies are another tool communication, for storytelling. At their best, the unite us, educate us, inspire us, or simply elevate the level of public debate. Others, well, there is something positive in keeping the folks at Lifetime off the street and stabilizing the sale of popcorn. Right?

Can Hollywood Shatter its "Blockbuster" Image and help Heal and Change the world?

I am an actor.

I am a writer.

I am a producer.

I Long to use my talents to help heal and change the world. To better our lives and the humanity that resides in each of us, whether it be through broad, healing strokes or minute, specific pin pricks that resonate with one person.

As some of you know, I've been doing a little online dating, why not?! Everyone else seems to be doing it. Recently I came across the profile of a very attractive man, one who seems to have it all together. He teaches highschool and coaches the football team, his ultimate goal is to open a clinic to treat disadvantaged children, Additionally, he teaches female recruits for the LAPD in self defense and fighting tactics. He does volunteer work mentoring kids at risk. He also is in shape, likes to work out, can have more fun at Disneyland than a kid does, is generous to a fault and not to mention is 6'3" and gorgeous. He's got it all, looks, smarts, sense of adventure, I would be a FOOL not to pursue this guy.

Anywho, I contacted Mr Perfect and we struck up a little back and forth. On first mention that I was an <gasp> actor, he was done. Said no thank you. . . etc. Of course, I should have said, Great. Not the guy for me. . . I should have. . . I pressed on, insisting that being an actor does not DEFINE everything about me and that just because he had a stereotypical view of all actors that I don't necessarily fit into that mold. I shared with him my dreams and desires to change and better the world through film, acting and writing. He has very strong opinions about Hollywood and insists that they do no good. Maybe it's the title,  "Hollywood". I don't necessarily view Hollywood as only the decision makers, and the major studios, etc. But perhaps he is?

Recently, he asked me this.

"In your opinion is there a specific movie made over the past five years that has truly had a positive affect on society? If so give me some examples of how it made a difference."


I started thinking and even asked some of my friends what they thought.

~ BROAD STROKES of Change ~

One of the first movies that comes to mind is, "The Blindside", last years film that won Sandra Bullock an Academy Award. In my opinion, that movie helped open people's minds in regards to race, differences in social and economic stature, being able to help someone who needs you and realizing that sometimes its not a WHOLE WORLD of people who need your help, but that in helping that ONE person, you can change their WHOLE WORLD for the better.

Movies like, "Milk" that are based on True Events can help bring awareness to a cause. This one being the gays and the struggles they have had to face in fighting for equality. Sure, they are still fighting for it, but who is to say that audiences who saw Milk didn't leave the theatre thinking, wow, I didn't realize that Gay people have had it so rough. You know, they should have the right to marry. It's an uphill battle of course, but in my opinion if a few people left that theatre thinking, wow, how terrible. Can you imagine if someone treated me in that way? Then that movie was a success.

~ MINUTE, SPECIFIC PIN PRICKS ~

As an actor, healing the world through my art has a much broader, yet simpler meaning. Let me explain myself. If I am in a movie where I play a character that is a victim of abuse, and ONE person comes to the movie that has suffered from abuse, and they are somehow healed or moved through my performance, I have done my job. It may seem small and irrelevant to the WHOLE WORLD, but can make a difference in that victim's WHOLE WORLD, enabling them to release what has been holding them back. Perhaps it allows them to heal and speak out about what happened to them, therefore helping a handful of other people heal. Those people heal themselves and in turn reach out to other victims of abuse, allowing them to smile more, hold doors open for people, be kinder, gentler, more open in their humanity and THAT will always change the world. It's a delightful SNOWBALL of reaction from one seemingly silly part in a silly movie with that new actress Elizabeth Mihelich that no one really went and saw.

This is an art and a passion that I can get behind. I also see Hollywood as a driving force for change in the world because of the expanse of influence that it has, the money it is able to put behind the movies, and the celebrities, who can reach more people in a day,  just by living open, giving, and compassionate lives.

~ GRASSROOTS EFFORTS for CHANGE ~

I have an amazing friend, who is a documentary filmmaker. She set out on making a documentary about the children of Cambodia who live on the street, are orphans, and spend their days digging through the dumps in search of treasure. I KNOW that her efforts and her movie, Small Voices: The Stories of Cambodia's Children has made a difference in the world, because she is still in contact with all of the children. She has helped place them in schools so they are learning and becoming educated. She visits them multiple times a year and because of the amazing, Heather Connell, they have learned that there are people in the world they can trust and rely on to help them. I KNOW that the kids she has helped will one day reach out and help someone else, because they were helped one day. She changed their WHOLE WORLD and I know one day they will strive to better the WHOLE WORLD.  Not to mention the fact that while in Cambodia, she connected with a young handicapped boy, Sum Namg, at an orphanage, learned that there was really no place for him to learn or grow, because of his disability, and she sprang into action. She is currently building a school for handi-capped children in Cambodia called Safe Haven. You tell me that film does not make a difference in lives after that?

Of course, Hollywood isn't perfect. Of course there are bad people in it that only have money and greed in mind. Of course. There are people like that in every industry of the world. I refuse to believe that we have no influence over the world. Artists are catalysts for change. John Lennon continues to change the world everyday and he's been gone from this planet for a long time. Thankfully, his music and his messages of "All You Need is Love" survive. Lucille Ball still brightens the days of people who had a rotten day at the office, they come home, turn on the tv and get a good belly laugh, because re-runs of "I Love Lucy" are on. Laughter is one of the most healing properties we have to work with. Even silly little sitcoms and crazy over the top comedies like Airplane! heal the world every single day because they help us laugh, they lighten our load and they allow us to open our hearts.

Please feel free to comment on this blog with movies that have inspired you, changed the world or that have simply brought a smile to your face when you needed it the most.

I am most grateful to Mr Perfect for pushing me to define WHY I pursue this passion with such tenacity and drive everyday of my life.

I believe in Love.
I believe in Peace.
And I believe that within each and everyone of us lies the power to Change and Heal the World.

Please honor Heather and her efforts to better the world by checking out her movie, Small Voices: The Stories of Cambodia's Children by renting it on Netflix or going here http://store.cinemalibrestore.com/smallvoices.html to purchase the DVD.

"Like" Small Voice on FB here, http://www.facebook.com/#!/smallvoicesmovie !

Follow Safe Haven's progress on FaceBook also, here http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Safe-Haven-School/148444011848303?v=wall

Shatter away.

Elizabeth

Shattering the Unknown, Scary, and Mysterious "Feelings".

A beloved member of my family posted this on Facebook, "Is it possible to describe feelings? If so, how do you learn?" 


Which got me thinking, how do you describe feelings? How can you eloquently describe the pain, happiness, loss, freedom or bliss that you feel inside? There are plenty of descriptive words in the English language, but do any of them actually describe what it FEELS like or what you're GOING through?  What is a feeling?


The dictionary definition of feeling is: 
1. An emotional state or reaction 
      --feelings, the emotional side of someones character: emotional responses or tendency to respond.


SEE NOTE AT EMOTION  . . . which is . . .
A feeling can be almost any subjective reaction or state; pleasant or unpleasant, strong or mild, positive or negative, that is characterized by an emotional response. 


An emotion is a very intense feeling, which often involves a physical as well as a mental response, and implies outward expression or agitation.


So, order to feel one must emote and in order to emote, one must be in touch with their feelings. There has been a lot of exploration in my world about this precise subject lately. I have been in an acting class since January and one of my biggest challenges has been reconnecting with my emotions and allowing myself to truly experience the way I FEEL. I don't know or remember WHY I learned to push my emotions down and in, instead of letting them come up and out. I DO remember that when my Grandpa died I made a conscious choice to remain "the rock" and the "strong one". I remember being at the funeral and barely crying at all, including through my Grandma's rendition of "Wind Beneath My Wings" which she SANG at the services to the love of her life, the wind beneath her wings. EMOTIONAL is an understatement. BUT, at the age of 14 I didn't let myself walk through it. I did eventually break down months, maybe even a year later, at youth group, finally allowing that feeling to rock my body and soul and release in true emotion. 


I was in a relationship about 18 months ago, the first "real" relationship I have had in my short life. And before you get angry, Bateman, I mean "real" in terms of length of time and the fact that we lived together, met one another's families, etc. Not whether or not our feelings were real, or the connection real. . . there it is again, that word, feelings. How do you have feelings for someone? Can you adequately describe what love is, loneliness? I'm getting ahead of myself though, rewind, back to the relationship. We had a great relationship, it was fun and exciting and full of lots of adventures. We both knew from the beginning that we didn't want the same things out of life, i.e., I wanted kids, he didn't. BUT we were having so much fun that we just kind of kept brushing things under the rug, we can deal with that dust and grime later, for now, WINE TASTING! Yippee. What I learned is that if you're brushing issues under the rug, chances are that your feelings are also getting shoved back under there as well. No matter how much you love someone, or share with them, if you know deep under that rug that they don't want to experience life with you, fully, in the way that you want to, you can start to resent them and your feelers get hurt. It doesn't even matter if you can logically understand in your brain that it is not personal, they just don't want that, its not that they don't want you, they just don't want that. Your little, or big, heart will ache and hurt and bleed (which in reality is good, because it means its still working) ; ) and in order to continue having fun and moving forward, we shove our feelings back under the rug too. 


The problem lies in coming out of it, realizing that you haven't allowed yourself to feel the sadness, loneliness and pain that comes from ending a relationship, a friendship, a connection, a love. I could blame my lack of emoting on my former Lovah, but that wouldn't be honest, nor reality. Because, in truth, no one can DO anything to us. It is all a choice. We are the only ones who can dictate any part of our life. If someone has "done" anything to us, it is because we allowed them to. It's just easier to point the finger at someone else and say, why would you hurt me in that manner, than it is to look at ourselves in the mirror and say Why would YOU hurt YOU in that manner? Yikes. That is intense. Writing that sentence made me feel like I kicked myself in the stomach.  Nothing that my ex and I experienced was "wrong, or improper, or anyone's fault" It was simply the journey that we had to go on, and continue to go on everyday.


Its not like I've always been emotionally shut down or restricted in relationships! Just ask Ryan P. my first love and boyfriend from the 3rd through the 5th grade. I don't know if he remembers this but the drama queen inside of me sure does. I was upset with Ryan once in the third grade because I believed he liked my friend and was acting inappropriately. We were in separate classrooms, but my teacher had asked me to deliver something to his teacher and I felt this was an ample opportunity to express my emotions. I walked into that classroom where they were watching a movie, handed the papers to the teacher, turned toward Ryan, removed the rings he had given me and threw them at him. Stormed out. I am so awesome.  :)  Don't worry. We made up and continued our innocent love adventure through 5th grade. 


When I'm in acting class and a scene calls for emotion, I panic and get in my head about how I am going to create this emotion?! I am learning that I simply can't create emotion, that I must step into the experience and open my heart in order to move into emotion. My brilliant acting coach, Dee Wallace, can simply stop the scene, ask me to open my heart, guide me to an experience I have had, and the entire emotional life opens up, simply, truthfully in an honest and connected way. The beauty of it is that it never feels the way I expected it to. It's always SO much better. 


I have been reading a book called, "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth that was given to me as a birthday present by my sweet friend, Amber. The title of this book makes it seem like its very specific to women, people with food issues and those that believe in God. However, the subtitle of this book is "An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything".  Geneen has developed a retreat and her life's work is with women who struggle with food, over eating, under eating, bingeing, etc. Her philosophy is that if we can understand how and why we eat the way that we do, that we will be able to understand our lives and why they are playing out the way they are; that " Our relationship to food is an exact microcosm of our relationship to life itself."  She asks the women in her retreats to stop, take a moment and breathe into whatever feeling they are experiencing when they eat. Are they doing it to get lost? to forget? to disappear? What does the feeling FEEL like? Is the loneliness a large pile of ashes sitting on your chest? and if you breathe into the ashes, what happens? IN almost all of the cases, breathing into the pain and loneliness isn't as bad as they all thought. "The simple fact that her pain can be touched and it it won't destroy her means that all is not lost or hopeless or unredeemable." 


If we allow ourselves to feel, understand and experience our feelings, if we have a "willingness to engage with and unwind the suffering rather than be its prisoner. . . the exquisite paradox of this engagement is that when suffering is fully allowed, it dissolves." 


I have never associated myself with an eating disorder or a problem, but I have definitely spent the last 7 years focused on it, losing a lot of it, gaining some of it back, forgetting about it, focusing on it, not being comfortable in my own skin, being a size 8! a size 8! and not knowing who that person was??! Who am I at a size 8? I must be a different person than that one that was a size 16?! The real bitch of it is, is that I'm not. I am who I am no matter where or what or who. I am me. I have spent the last few years expanding my life, raising my vibration and being in touch with just WHO AM I? Who is Elizabeth Mihelich? It hasn't been and its been a breeze all the same. A continuing process, that as Geneen says, " "If these women could unpack their pain (beginning with allowing themselves to use food as a way of supporting rather than punishing themselves) and tell the truth about their lives - (paraphrasing poet Muriel Rukeyser -- the world would split open." 


"When you sense yourself directly, immediately, right now, without preconception, who are you?"


Geneen's main lesson is that its not actually food that we are hungry for, but a spiritual life, a connection with the soul that we are starving for. The life force that sustains us, gives us our intuition and knowing, our empathy and ability to LOVE someone. 


Do you realize everyday what a miracle life is? That we can wake up every morning and simply DO anything we want to?? That we can choose to lay in bed all day entangled in passion with someone we love? Choose to explore our being-ness in art, singing, dancing, photography? Celebrate the AMAZING, BRILLIANT, living, breathing thing that our BODY is. Remember anatomy class? all those crazy systems working together to keep us standing upright, walking, talking, DANCING??! It is mind-blowing. THEN add in our ability to connect with other living things, humans, animals, people. . . wow. just wow. There are almost no words that can describe that incredible miracle that life is. You know if you workout on a regular basis, your body WILL get stronger, and your muscles will change? How about today, when you look in the mirror, instead of saying, "You're fat, I hate you. What's wrong with you?" you look at that mirror and say, "I love you because you CAN change. You are amazing. You are strong and sexy and healthy."


Life is for living and emotions and feelings are a gift. So, no matter how you choose to describe them or understand them, just choose to let them in. Open your heart and experience everything. You could experience a great love, one that you never knew was even possible, and then you could experience the crushing realization of the loss of that love. At least you will have experienced it and if you're aware enough, you will learn from it, you can shatter the facade and step into the reality of being.


Why not? What have you got to lose?? Everything and nothing.


Open your heart and step into the experience of your life.








*All quotes above are from "Women Food and God" by Geneen Roth. 

Dating Woes and Failing to Shatter . . .

Lately I have been off and on some dating websites, only the free ones, because I just didn't want to put $ towards that right now. Well, I suppose the saying, you get what you pay for is glaringly true in this case. I have noticed that guys on Free dating websites are usually in it for one thing and one thing only. . . hooking up. AND this usually includes dudes who are already attached!

The latest and greatest is the texting vortex. This occurs when you meet online, send each other a few messages and then exchange phone numbers. Since we've become a disconnected society who seldom use our voices, you then start sending texts back and forth. Now, if you don't actually meet the person within a week or so of texting back and forth, in my experience, it ain't never gonna happen. So, I am currently stuck in this vortex of texting, but with a twist. Current dedicated texter is very nice and supportive, sends me messages asking about my day and how its going, wishing me luck before auditions, etc. . . with a twist. Twisted Texter loves to try to get my to SEXT with him. . . you know naughty texts, send me naughty photos of you, etc. I am so confused about what on earth would compel someone to naughty text a person they've never actually met in person? There are a few things that bother me about this.

1. Security/ Safety reasons:  I don't know you. How do I know my naughty pic isn't gonna end up on some random website, or being emailed around ala Venessa Hudgens?

2. WEIRD. This screams weird and it makes me incredibly hesitant to ever meet this guy. I feel like once you sext, there is going to be added pressure on the date to put out or get out.

3. What if, after all this crazy sexting, we meet and then there is no chemistry? But we've already shared these intimate, crazy sexts and now all dreams are dashed and spark has fizzled and its back to the drawing board?

Do you think its possible that Twisted Texter has just been dating super young girls and THIS is the result? That because of the way the younger generation SEXTS and makes out with all their friends, at the same time, that this is now bleeding into the entire world of dating? I don't want that.

Which is where the Failing to Shatter part comes in. Have I told the guy that I don't like it? Not outwardly. Where is the year of honest connection? Should I tell him, or just stop communicating and let him figure it out? It begs the question, if I am honestly connecting with myself first and foremost, does it even matter if I tell someone that I don't even know that I'm not feeling respected because of the "joke" text he sent me?

I woke up this morning with an anxiety about something and I'm not sure what it is. I seem to be going through a phase that I find myself in every so often where I try and try and try to find connection with someone and can't seem to work it out. I panic and check Facebook a million times to see if anyone has written me, or I try and text my friends to get a response. This bothers me to no end because I KNOW that I am always connected to everyone and everything, because it is all energy. I constantly struggle with seeking validation from others instead of knowing that I am enough myself.

In this phase, I seem to panic more and more about NOT being in a relationship and NOT having a man to complete or save me, which is complete bullshit. I know that it is, yet it keeps sliding back into my world.

Remember in Jerry Maguire when Tom Cruise said to Renee Zelleweger , " You complete me." and all women took a sharp inhale of breath and went, "Yes! That's it! I want that! I want someone to complete me."  Here's the thing though, no one can complete you, no one can save you, no one can validate you, except for YOU. If you look to someone else to complete you, you are NEVER going to be happy with them, or with yourself.

This is an old pattern and an old story in my life that holds me back from living the amazing life I know that I can. I'm stuck in the "story" of always picking the wrong guy, putting myself out there and getting crushed, rejected, and allowing someone I don't even know to dim my light and make me small. For an actress who deals with "rejection" in the business everyday and just lets it roll off my back, it would make sense that I could deal with "rejection" in romance and let it roll off my back but some part of me prefers to stay in the woe is me, I'll always be alone, no one understands me, blah, blah, personal emergency, blah. : )

Enough. We end it now and I know that I can only validate myself and complete myself.

The following three statements were made by Dee Wallace as I listened to her talk show on Voice America while I was typing this and thought they were incredibly fitting. . . imagine that?!

Have a beautiful day!

I am my light. I am secure in this world to let it shine.
I am the energy that discovers itself.
I am whole around all energy that I am connecting with.

A Facade of Happiness?

On my 31st Birthday this year I made a promise to myself, to honestly connect in every moment with myself, whomever I was with and to truthfully feel and experience everything. Sounds simple enough and almost as if it were something you should do without having to think about it, right? Ahhh, if only it were that easy.

I fancy myself a person who knows who she is, stays in the positive and consciously watches her thoughts, because I know that the thoughts I think manifest the world I live in. I want to consciously create my life in every moment. We have discovered lately that it is not simply the words that manifest the world we live in, but more importantly the feelings attached to the words. You can get on a treadmill for a year and repeat over and over, "Freedom, Bliss, Love, Happiness" and all that will change is your butt, as my spiritual guide and acting coach, Dee Wallace so lovingly shares. If you can't FEEL the experience of what you want how can you expect to create it in your life?

Imagine my surprise when I was talking to a friend about how I thought I was feeling pretty happy and experiencing a pretty fulfilling life and she came back with, "You have a facade of happiness, but you don't really FEEL happy." Sit with that for a moment. . .  If I sit and embrace that truth there is a vast pit in my stomach and a pain in my heart. I don't want that. I don't want to be that girl. I wan the FULL experience of life, love, pain, sorrow, joy.  So, what happened? How did I get to this place? When did I experience such pain or love and opened my heart only to be crushed? Shattered? When did I build a facade? As I write this there are a million and one thoughts running through my head, I could say this, I could say that, but the reality is that there is no one to blame, no one experience I can pin it on. I can say thank you to my ego for trying to protect me from the extreme joy, love or bliss that could result in pain, loss and torment and then move forward or I could lament over the sadness, all of the ride I have missed out on. I choose the latter.

So, I promise to be honest with myself in my everyday life and to share my "honesty experiment" with you all as honestly and connected as I can.

Who am I?

I am a girl who picks up her popcorn and soda after a movie and throws it in the trash, because I think you should and because I think everyone deserves respect.

I am a girl who can walk into a room, be inspired by an artist's photography, introduce herself to the photographer and feel a connection that she's never felt before, and KNOW that this is not the first time our soul's paths have crossed. I can send him a FB request, write an intelligent and inspired status about meeting him, "Isn't it great to honestly connect with someone and dance around them with sparks of interest and laughter?" Be thrilled when he replies positively and pick up and visit New York because he asked me to. I can have a romantic adventure with someone I just met and know that it was exactly what I was supposed to do. I am a girl who can completely give in to the connection, trust and know that he feels it to. Fly home and imagine a life together that is fantastic and amazing, full of travel and adventure, love and romance, and I can imagine one heck of a proposal fantasy. I have the whole thing planned out of how I would like him to Propose to me. . . it's a good one. . . go ahead, ask. What I can't do is process what went wrong . . . why he chose her over me. . . Is it the easy choice to date the girl who lives in NY and not the one who lives across the country in LA? Perhaps its because he's a Virgo and he is logical and practical? Because, I knew, with every fiber of my being, when he popped up on my FB chat and asked if I had a minute that whatever he had to say was bad news. It was that connection again, I just knew it. Yet, as he told me he was going to try and date a girl seriously in NY, I said I understood and that while I wanted him to be happy I hoped it didn't work out. I cried for about 2 seconds and then supressed the feelings that I was feeling. Sadness, angry, disappointment, confusion. How could he possibly feel what I felt and choose to NOT give it a go? Not even a CHANCE? To ignore the letter I had written him after my Grandma's funeral? A letter that was full of pain and deep, true feelings about death and my Grandma's life and our inherent differences. Why can't I be the girl who says, Don't worry, he's a douche. I can't. Because I believe in true love and I believe in Soul Mates and I believe in life lessons and experiences that help make us into the people we are everyday. I know that I learned something and that he is possibly learning something else by choosing to ignore this, me. What I didn't do was let myself feel the massive whole that his shotgun of rejection blew through my newly healed heart. When you open your heart to someone and it ends up getting damaged how do you move on?

You move through it, because on the other side is the love and the fantasy and the fairytale that you know exists. MORE IMPORTANTLY you must allow yourself to feel it as you move through it. If you shut your eyes during the whole roller coaster ride what's the point of even getting on the ride? I am angry at my photographer and I don't know that he even knows I am, because all i ever said was, "It's ok. I understand. Don't be sorry. It's timing, and location. Damn those 3000 miles." Why is it so hard for me to say, this sucks. I hate it and I hate you for making the choice. The easier choice. Am I not worth fighting for, trying? Putting in a little effort or some frequent flyer miles?

I saw Eat, Pray, Love tonight and loved this quote. "If you love him, love him. If you miss him, miss him. Send him love and light everytime you think of him. Then drop it."

Today I choose to connect honestly with myself and everyone I come in contact truthfully and in every moment.

Do you?