I found this old blog on another blog I used to have and wanted to share it with you all! So funny! Here it is, in its entirety from 2008. . . . I even mention MY SPACE, so you KNOW it's old ;)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was thinking the other day about college and high school and my early to mid twenties and I realized something slightly alarming. I used to be a stalker. Well, not a full blown, stalker-stalker, but a mild stalker.
What made me realize this?? Well, I found this guy, Seth, that I had a thing for in college and sent him a message on My Space and he has yet to respond. . . so, I got to thinking. . .WHY wouldn't he want to write me? We always had a good time . . .I prob liked him a little too much, but that is what I did. . .I saw a GLIMMER of hope and I fell hard. Attractive right?! Boys love that stuff right?! Wrong.
Here is the issue. I used to be a lot heavier than I am now. Fatter. Fatter would be the appropriate word. Not HUGE, but about 40 lbs over-weight. I was the really funny, (I"m still funny), cute girl that had a couple hot friends who always scored the boys. Occasionally I would attract one with my charming and sweet personality, but would ruin it with incessant phone calls and FAR too much drama for just a couple dates! : )
I was reading a journal from college the other day and it was full of things about boys! Boys! Boys! Boys! I was boy crazy. I was once so proud of myself for calling this boy Luke that I saw in a play! I didn't know him, but looked him up in the school directory and called him. We hung out for a bit til my stalker-ish desperate behavior pushed him away. You know what? I am still kind of proud of myself for calling him, that was something outside of my box and I am glad I did it.
There was one boy I just couldn't get enough of. And he was NOT the most stable person. He lived in a neighboring college town and I remember the first time I saw him. My girlfriends and I were dancing on this sunken dance floor at Washington's in Fort Collins and he and his friends walked by. We locked eyes and I was gone. Gorgeous, just out of the military, funny and charming too. Anyway, I am getting ahead of myself, he came onto the dance floor, but I couldn't tell which one of the 4 of us he was after, so I made my move. I stepped out of the circle and just "jumped" him. In a classy, freakin', dancin' kind of way. There was something about the way that boy moved against my body. It just made me instantly think about the other kind of moving we could do together! (slow dancing! Get your minds out of the gutter.) We danced for a bit and I do think he actually liked me. For me. And for my sexy dance moves. At the end of the night, when the blaring fluorescent lights came on like they do at 1:30 a.m. He and I were the last to leave the dance floor and he blurted out his phone #. I went, "What?" He repeated it and I went OK. Shockingly, I remembered it, NO! NOT SHOCKINGLY I am a stalker remember! We proceeded to have many a phone call and the remainder of our relationship was pretty much that. He always had another girlfriend, but we just had this connection. I don't know that he felt it to, but I don't think it was one-sided. The night before I moved to California we ran into each other in this bar. He asked when I was leaving and when I said, "Tomorrow!" He said " What?! No! That sucks! Listen, I am so wasted right now, I am going to try and call you when I get home, but if I pass out, which I probably will, PLEASE call me tomorrow." OK. The phone never rang that night, shocker, but I did call him the next day. He took me to lunch and he morphed into this gentleman that I did not know existed. He opened doors for me, he bought me lunch. He was so polite. I knew he had it in him. I visited a couple years after that last meeting and things had just deteriorated from where I last saw him, he was doing some hard core drugs and didn't want to hear any advice to the contrary. I think about him a lot and just hope that he is doing well. I occasionally look him up on Google, but have yet to hire a private eye to find him. My Stalking days are over.
So, to all those boys who were victims of a scared, lonely, self-conscious girl just looking for a little love, trying to figure herself out, I want to say Sorry. Sorry I was creepy and needy and a little weird. To be fair, you did your fair share of leading on, I didn't bark up the totally wrong trees.If you are one of those boys and you want to write a comment and let me know you forgive me, or tell your side. . . . feel free. I do also want to say Thank you. You helped shape me into the person I am today and I really love myself! (You sort of missed out!)
So, Trevor, Seth, Travis, Luke, Josh, Matt, Brian, Steve, Tyler, Doug, Jade, Stephen, and any other boys I may have called too much, emailed too much, left notes for, cried over, laughed with, ('m not sorry for the laughing) I am sorry. Also, I am much more confident, sexy and strong now and if you're single, leave me a message and I'll give you a call.
Kidding. Kidding, I am in a very happy relationship right now and don't need you anymore. Just for the memories.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Though I fancy myself a much more secure, grown up (single) woman now, I do still appreciate the lessons I learned from all of these experiences. . . Ohhh and featured boy update, he now lives in the mid west, is married and has a daughter, which makes me SOOOOOOO happy that I don't have to worry about him anymore~
No comments:
Post a Comment