Recently I came across a TED talk by Brene Brown on Facebook that one of my friends had posted. I often turn on TED talks while I am doing something else, but Brene's resonated so deeply with me that I quickly found myself just listening to her talk, The Power of Vulnerability. I've never heard of anyone like Brene Brown. She actually studies human connection for a living. She investigates vulnerability, courage, authenticity and shame and how they affect human connection. Human connection is something that I think about often and its a driving force behind why I want to make films, act and tell stories. Connection, human connection, is important and the future of humanity is going to rely on it.
I quickly found Brene's second TED Talk, Listening to Shame, which led me to buying her book, "Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead." I'm only 3 chapters into her book and I've already been blown away multiple times. As I sat and composed another email asking for people to support my Crowd Funding campaign I had an AHA moment. Putting myself out there and asking people to support art that I have yet to create may be the most vulnerable thing I've ever done.
Vulnerability has got to be one of the most terrifying human emotions. Vulnerability is often perceived as weakness. Brene defines vulnerability as " uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure." In Brene's book, she says, "To put our art, our writing, our photography, our ideas out into the world with no assurance of acceptance or appreciation -- that's also vulnerability." I'm an actor, I write and now I produce projects. I'm used to putting vulnerability out in the world. If you've read my blog at all, you know that I often share things that most people wouldn't tell their best friends. I know that in order to connect you have to be vulnerable. That doesn't make it any easier. I've struggled with it in acting class and had Dee Wallace screaming at me, "If you want to act, you have to bare your soul. The reason people love actors is because they allow real vulnerability to be seen in every moment." (She doesn't scream very loudly and she's actually quite nice.)
To ask for help is one of the greatest ways to make yourself vulnerable. With my crowd funding campaign for my short film, "Tactics", I've hit the vulnerability jackpot. Not only am I asking for help, I'm asking you to support my art before its become a full fledged vision. Its one thing to make it, put it out in the world, and let people judge it. Its quite another to ask for help before there's anything to show for it. I have the script written, I have a very talented director, J.T. Mollner on board to helm the film and I know that its going to be great.
That doesn't make it any easier to reach out consistently, daily, numerous times a day to ask for help, to ask people to support your dreams.
The outpouring of support that I have received has been amazing. I have received donations from people that I would have never guessed would donate to my film. I've gotten amazing letters, notes of support and FB posts from old friends reaching out, telling me they are proud of me, and admire that I'm actually living my dreams, pursuing my passion and honoring my creativity. Its inspiring, comforting and just plain nice to hear.
Within the support there have also been numerous questions asked by friends, acquaintances, strangers. "Why do you need so much money?" "You can make a short film for less than that." "Why would you pay yourself to make a film that you're asking people to donate money to?" (If I do this as a SAG project, I would technically pay myself as the actress in the film). With every question I have been forced to look at myself and re-evaluate whether I have the right to ask for this amount of money, any money, the ability to make movies at all. I know that some of these questions come from my own hesitations and doubt, from being raised in a family that taught me not to ask for money from friends ever, from the vulnerability of putting myself out to the world and asking for help. I don't like asking for help. I don't like being in a state of weakness, which is how I would have perceived vulnerability before I came across Brene Brown. I know now that asking for help, standing in my power and knowing that my art, my creativity is worth the effort is actually strength and power.
I made a short film last year that won awards on the festival circuit and actually have that experience under my belt. J.T. has multiple films under his belt that have won mulitple awards and received distribution. I know that I have knowledge and the ability to see this film through to fruition!
I know that the amount of people that seem to be crowd funding these days can sometimes be overwhelming but the next time you come across some one's crowd funding campaign remember how much vulnerability and risk went into them being able to ask you for help. We live in an incredible world where you can actually contribute to films, albums and art projects that you want to see, that resonate with you or that open your hearts. We are in the midst of watching the world of creativity change! "Veronica Mars", a TV show that has a cult following recently blew everyone away when they set a goal of raising $2 million in order to make the movie version of the TV show and in less than 5 hours they had raised $1 million dollars and in 11 hours hit their goal of $2 million dollars! They currently have over $4.5 million dollars raised and a few days left to go! Incredible!
Today there are 12 days left in my campaign on PasserBy. I'm almost half way to my goal. I want to hit my goal. I know I'm worth trusting and knowing that I can hit my goal.
From the bottom of my heart, in gratitude and love, thank you for allowing me to show you my vulnerability and for trusting that I know what to do with it.
If you want to help "Tactics" and me hit my goal, please donate here! Passer.by/films/tactics
Here's to DARING GREATLY!!
My IMDB page http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2235318/
J.T. Mollner's IMDB Page http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2356768/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1
"Just Like the Movies" on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9iATP1xMuM
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