Shattering what Happened to Integrity, Virtue and the Value of Your Word?!

Yesterday on my drive home from work I was listening to the news on NPR. They were talking about the verdict that was reached in the Dharun Ravi trial, the former Rutgers student who used a webcam to watch and broadcast his roommate, Tyler Clementi's romantic night with another man. Shortly after doing this, Tyler Clementi jumped off a bridge to his death. It's becoming an all too familiar story about bullying and gay students giving up on themselves and choosing to end their lives.

The report said that Ravi had sent Tweets and text messages to fellow students when his roommate asked to be alone in the room, expressing his disgust with his roommates choice to make out with another man. In a Twitter post, Ravi wrote, "Roommate asked for the room till midnight. I went into Molly's room and turned on my webcam. I saw him making out with a dude. Yay." He then used the webcam to invite others to video chat him and check out the action themselves as he streamed live from the webcam again. All of this is horrific enough, leading to the fact that it drove Tyler to commit suicide is even more heartbreaking. The thing that struck me the most about this story is that as the reporter wrapped it up they said that Ravi's parents whisked him out of the courtroom, showing no emotion, and that they will be appealing the verdict.

APPEAL the VERDICT?! How can you possibly? What happened to Integrity? To Virtue? To the Value of your word? Ravi was found guilty by a jury, and there were great amounts of physical evidence that he did all of the things he was accused of. There are text messages, Tweets and evidence that he attempted to delete the damning evidence after Tyler committed suicide. What happened to owning up to a mistake? To saying, I'm sorry, I messed up and to actually facing the consequences of your actions? If its printed in black and white that you actually did these things, you actually wrote all of these hateful things, encouraged others to do the same and it ended in an unfortunate way, WHY WOULD YOU THEN TRY TO APPEAL the sentence? You DID all of these things.

I don't think that Ravi alone is to blame here. What happened to all of the other people in the world willing to stand up for what's right? What happened to his friend Molly that was in the room when he streamed the live webcam? What were all of those students thinking who tuned in to watch? How is it possible that no one thought that Tyler deserved defending? The breach of privacy alone should have triggered some personal alarms for these college kids shouldn't they? Is this the society that we live in now? Is this what happens when every personal moment is recorded for the entire world to see on FB and Twitter? That a breach of privacy like this seems like its a run of the mill, everyday occurrence? Like violence in video games and movies are we becoming desensitized to how people should be treated? The basic right that what happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors and not just in Vegas?

There are so many systems that failed here. As fashion, TV and movies throw back to the retro age, a simpler time, I encourage everyone to remember what Integrity is. To remember what it was to be virtuous. To value your word.  I know that its not popular to speak out against your peers but its time to make these old fashioned values hip again.

Find a way to marry that in your life and then we can worry about whether or not the gays will ruin the sanctity of marriage, because from where I'm standing right now, basic human decency is more important than the sanctity of marriage. It's time to go back to standing up for what's right and speaking up when you see something that is not.

integrity |inˈtegritē|
noun
1 the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness : he is known to be a man of integrity.

virtue |ˈvər ch oō|
noun
1 behavior showing high moral standards : paragons of virtue. See note at goodness .
• a quality considered morally good or desirable in a person : patience is a virtue.

value |ˈvalyoō|
noun
1 the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance or preciousness of something : your support is of great value.

Here's a link to a news article referencing what I'm talking about.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/dharun-ravi-guilty-invasion-privacy-counts-rutgers-spying-case-article-1.1040776

Shattering The Waiting Game

The Waiting Game. Sounds fun. Its a game, why wouldn't a game be fun? What is it about waiting that stifles all creation?

I am well versed in creation. I am well versed in manifestation. I know that if I'm waiting for something to happen that it will never happen because the simple act of waiting for something to happen places it in the future, forever in the future. An endless cycle of waiting.

Yet, here I sit. At my desk . . . waiting. What am I waiting for you ask?

Today I am waiting . . .

 . . . to hear if we got into any other film festivals with our short "Just Like the Movies".
. . . to get paid on Friday so I can pay my bills, attend a workout class, put gas in my car.
. . . for my ankle to heal so I can work out and lose weight, get to the goal I've wanted to get to for a LONG time.
 . . . for it to be 5:00, time to go to my "support while I make it" job.
. . . for my agent to call me with an audition.
. . .  for inspiration to strike.
. . . for the life I know I'm destined to live, that I continually reassure people I know is going to happen, that I so WANT to happen, to actually start happening.

Truth be told, I live a pretty good life. I live in a great little house that I rent, have an adorable little dog, a job that provides me with a pretty good living, some amazing travel experiences, great dinners, I have my creativity, my writing, acting, singing, my health, I am part of a supportive, loving family.

You know what some of it is? I get a small amount of success, my acting career begins to move forward and I halt it. Last weekend, a short I co-wrote, co-produced and acted in, "Just Like the Movies" made its debut at the Dam Short Film Festival in Boulder City, NV. We won "Best Nevada Film", that's the section we were entered in because one of our producers lives in Nevada and we shot it in Vegas! We were called up on stage and accepted the award and I began to feel like a "real" actress. Not that awards equal being a real actress, but the entire experience of attending the festival, participating in a press conference, the Q and A afterward, all of those things are a part of the world I am forever hovering on the edge of. . . and I have a horrible pattern of putting on the brakes whenever I get close to where I want to be.

Paul Lirette and I participate in the Press Conference

Why would I do this? After some soul searching, meditation, etc, the closest thing I can come up with is that I am afraid that my success will equal people not liking me and if there is one thing that Elizabeth Mihelich doesn't like, it's NOT being liked. I can't stand it. It's just in me. I have grown over the years and have a much better grasp on this now. I can recognize that people who don't like me or resonate with me are probably not meant to be a part of my life. The little girl inside of me just feels a heart breaking loneliness at not being good enough. Where would that come from?

I have a distinct memory of an awards ceremony in elementary school, you know the one where the whole school sits on the floor and parents line the walls with cameras waiting anxiously for their kids names to be called. I remember winning an award for excellence in English, and then one in Science, and then one in something else, I won so many awards I wasn't able to get back to my seat before my name was called again. I was a very good student. I wanted to do well and I usually did. I remember being proud of what I accomplished, I remember thinking, yes, this is what I'm supposed to do. After the ceremony though kids weren't nice to me. I was teased, made fun of, and just generally made to feel bad for being so good. Success = people not liking you.
 

Having the revelation one day of this memory made me realize WHY I keep sabotaging myself. A psychic friend described it to me earlier as me standing in front of a wall built of Styrofoam blocks. It could be simply blown over, but there I stand in front of it, afraid to move, negotiating with it, talking to it, when all I have to do is . . . breathe.

I guess the question is . . . do I have the courage to exhale?

Shattering YOU-niqueness!

You are YOU-niquely you. You are the only person in this world that is like you, unless you have an identical twin but even then, chances are, you have very distinct and different personalities. The greatest gift you can give yourself is to fully embrace your YOU-niqueness.


Think about it, being YOU-nique means;


No one will ever hug like you.
No one will ever be able to replicate your smile.
No one will tell a story exactly the way that you do.
No one has eyes like yours.
No one has as many freckles as you do.
No one has a laugh quite like you do.


Whether you are an amazing artist or a terrible one, YOU are the only one who can create that art.
Whether you can sing like a rockstar or can't hold a tune, YOU are the only one with your voice.
Whether you've won an Academy Award for acting or you do it for the love of it, YOU are the only one who will interpret that character that way. 
Whether you are a published author or struggle to write a sentence, YOU are the only one who will write the way that you do.
Whether you are a world renowned ballerina or people clear the floor when you dance, YOU are the only one who moves the way that you do. 


Your view of the world is uniquely that, its YOURS. No one else looks at the world the exact same way that you do.
Your hopes and dreams are unique to your soul. No one else wants exactly the same things you want.
Your love and the way it makes a person feel will never be able to be replaced. No one can hug, kiss, touch, feel or share love the way that YOU can.
Your friendship is unique. No one else will be able make your friend laugh when they need to, hold them when they are upset or wing-man the way that YOU do. 


Being YOU-nique should make you jump up and down with joy! Being YOU-nique and appreciating your uniqueness will make your life a THRILL to live. If no one else in the world can be you, why would they want anyone else?


If no one else can create in exactly the same way as anyone else, all art is beautiful, all writing is brilliant, all singing is glorious, all acting is breathtaking, all dancing is out of this world and all of you is perfect. There is no need for competition or feeling less than if you know that no one else can do exactly what you do! You CAN NOT FAIL, YOU CAN NOT BE WRONG and YOU CAN NOT WORRY ABOUT BEING ACCEPTED if you KNOW that you are YOU-NIQUE!


Embrace your YOU-niqueness in 2012 and enjoy the ride! No one else is on the exact same ride! It's all yours baby! Buckle up! Get ready to fly!


Wishing you the best year of your life!
Love Always,
Elizabeth Mihelich

; ) Shattering Emoticon Overuse : )

I wonder if people expected that one day grown ups would often include a smiley drawn into their everyday writings? It seems rather silly when you think about a 32 year old woman journaling and including a : ) . It has become socially accepted and dare I say socially expected to help decipher just HOW you're supposed to feel about that particular sentence.

Why can't people just say what they want to say and allow people to feel whatever it is they want about it? If, after reading it, its something that they are unhappy about they can have an honest conversation about what it was that upset them. Perhaps they would get to know one another on a deeper level because they would be forced to learn about each other through their adult-ish conversation.  To understand what upsets a person usually involves some back history, a personal anecdote or God forbid some tears and genuine emotion.

I often use the "wink" ; ) to excuse a passive aggressive text or almost as an apology about something I was truly upset about. So why apologize? Why not just allow what you said to be heard, without comment or guidance, so you can actually deal with it? There's such a level of disconnection in our society today that allows us to hide behind this technology, which is actually designed to bring us closer. Closer in the sense that it connects you with people all over the world that you may not have met before.

Gone are the days where you would have 10-20 close friends who would drop by regularly to chat. We've ushered in and welcomed with open arms a world where we have 1,000 acquaintances that we are kept abreast of their every move, feeling and political outlook filtered through what they want us to know about them. Or in the case of the younger generation NOT filtered through anything since they literally share their every little move, sometimes to their own detriment. Note passing and gossiping in middle school got me in enough trouble without the ability for the entire world to participate, "like" it and comment on it.  I can't imagine who I would be or what my life would be like if I had grown up with Facebook or all of this texting. I'm sure I would have been very uncomfortable and cried a lot of tears. Or maybe my writing ability would have allowed me to break in to the cool crowd?

Yeah, okay, probably not. : )

Damn it.

Shattering a Legacy or a Life Left Behind

Flipping through Oprah's latest Reading List for the month of November, or shall I say clicking, since I was doing it on my computer, I came across the description of "The Journals of Spalding Gray"

Edited by Nell Casey

"The brilliant, tormented performer mesmerized audiences with his autobiographical monologues, but most revealing are these diaries leading up to his suicide in 2004."

 I continued clicking through the list and in the flash of a few thoughts thought about reading that book and what it must be like. I wondered how dark it is and whether or not it was something I would be interested in reading. My next thought was will I ever have people read my published journals after I'm gone? I highly doubt that I will ever publish a journal that leads up to my suicide, but I suppose you never know where life can lead you or the trauma that can change your very soul and being. What makes your journal or your stories worthy to published, let alone read by other people? Is it the fascination of how a creative mind like Spalding's works? The mystery of what could cause a person to commit suicide? The brief moment to connect on a soul level and relate to one another's humanity?

I write blogs, I write screenplays, I would like to write a novel one day. I love when people read my writings and are moved by them or feel compelled to share them with other people. Is that a legacy being left behind already? Can you leave a legacy in small doses everyday of your life? Or is a legacy only left when you have something profound and worthwhile to say? Do you think Spalding Gray would want to be remembered for his diaries leading up to the darkest day of his life? Is a legacy something that you have no control over and is simply up to those whom you leave behind to define for you?

All of this in a few clicks of the computer and a fleeting moment of thought. The human brain is amazing. I wonder when we're going to be able to access that other 97% of it that we don't use.

Dating in Los Angeles Sucks! (A throwback blog from 2008)

I first posted this blog on MySpace, the wasteland of Social Media, and found it just today. . . reposting it here . . .

This evening at the swanky restaurant I work at I waited on what I thought was an average couple. It quickly turned into the strangest situation. Now, for those of you that don't know, where I work is a pretty swanky restaurant located in a fancy Hotel on a famous street in Los Angeles, READ EXPENSIVE. The kind of place I couldn't dine at without my 30% employee discount.

So, an average couple, I figured they knew each other, seemed to be having a good time. Their entrees arrive and they decide to go to the bathroom. They use the facilities and when I come back to the table, only the lady is there. I ask how everything is and she proceeds to tell me that she is on a first date with this gentleman and is really thrown by the fact that he just left her at the table. I asked if he had gone to the restroom, or what ? and she said that they had just visited the restroom. She surmised that he could be making a business phone call, since he is an extremely important business man, this was very important to her, she mentioned it many times. Still, she decided that this may be her issue and she was going to try and let it go because he was such a great catch and was a VERY IMPORTANT business man.

He returned to the table and I left. My manager approached me and mentioned that this man had come up to him and said he was on a first date and they were supposed to go to the STANDARD, but she had wanted to come here and HE DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR HIS CHECK. He was going through divorce and his credit cards were a mess. . . etc. My manager asked what the difference was and he said prob like $20. So my kind manager said, ok, when the check comes, put what you have in it, and we will talk then. He said he had $150. His check at this point was about $185.

The meal ended and I tried to stay away from the table and switched them to ice water, etc. I checked on them and she said she might have another glass of wine... if he would have another drink, He then LOOKED AT ME AND SAId, "I don't know should I have another drink." Like, wink, wink, you'll have to comp it. I said, 'I don't know. ' THEN HE ORDERED ANOTHER DRINK!!!! ANOTHER ROUND!!! HE ALREADY DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY HIS BILL. NOW, his bill is $220.

So, I finally dropped the check and ran. He then asked for a manager, while he was up at the front of the restaurant I went to talk to the lady with the intention of telling her how full of shit this guy was. . . She was all smiles. Turns out after he returned the first time she told him that she was bothered that he left her at the table and he fed her some bullshit that he went to meet the OWNER of the hotel, because he is a big business man and he needs to do things like that! SERIOUSLY, she bought it. THEN as he is negotiating payment he doesn't have, she thinks he is talking to the manager about ordering dessert and another glass of wine because they didn't realize the kitchen had closed. She thought he was being a huge hero by getting her a "special wine" and getting her dessert. While really, he was negotiating with my manager, leaving his drivers license, a check, and $100 saying he would come by tomorrow and pay for it. RETARDED>

I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell her the truth. I sort of feel that it is her fault she is in that situation. If she wasn't so obsessed with how much money he made, would she see through the lies?!

How desperate for love and companionship is she that she will wear blinders to create the perfect man?!

It really is the City of Lost Angels. 

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

     Once you get past a certain age you don't necessarily get to have a Summer Vacation, time keeps ticking, days keep flying and before you know it you didn't even have time to buy a new bathing suit. I managed to remedy this situation for myself this summer. How can one do that you ask? Let me paint a lovely picture.
      It was a lovely summer day in Pueblo, CO, the 4th of July actually. I happened to be in town for the wedding of one of my best friends from college and thought I should use this time to see my family and enjoy a national holiday that I usually spend working. In the summer my family is super fancy and we set up an above ground swimming pool to relax and cool down on hot Pueblo days. Take that Jones'. With a small group of family members on hand we settled into a relaxing day sunning and sipping on some cold beers, anticipating the delicious burger that would come later in the day.

      My mom made homemade Peach ice cream in our ice cream maker just like when we were kids. You know the ice cream maker that makes that reeerrrraarr  reeeerrrraaarrr sound and every 20 seconds the ice jams and you have to frantically pull the cord out of the wall and un-stick it. I actually chose to rock a bikini for the first time in my life. I've always been too shy and too insecure about my body to do it, but I figured if I couldn't rock it in front of my family then who could I rock it in front of? Might as well take it for a test run.
      I was being especially cautious of getting a sunburn because I had to change my flight home to return early because I had a callback for a TIDE commercial. I was especially excited about this because it was my first commercial auditions in a few months and with my new agent! I asked my dad for a hat, applied tons of sunscreen and made sure to take breaks from the sun to protect my delicate skin.
      When my family gets together we have more fun than most best friends, laughter abounds and hijinks ensue. For example, in the picture below, Sara strategically dumped Jen as Tony snapped this picture! Disaster was averted as Jen managed to save the beer from drowning.

    We were all home for Memorial Day Weekend as well and since the pool hadn't been set up yet my sister Ashley went and bought a kiddie pool and a Slip N Slide. Of course, we decided it wouldn't be a holiday weekend without some water balloons and a Slip n Slide. Here's the thing, I didn't participate in the Slip n Slide madness on Memorial Day. I wish I could say the same about the 4th of July. As the day progressed we migrated from the pool over to the now infamous Slip n Slide, which are much fancier than when we were kids. It used to be a piece of yellow plastic that you put on the lawn with the hose resting on the end of it. When you ran and hurled your body onto the Slip n Slide you had to be careful not to hit the head of the hose on your way down. Kids today have it easy, man when did I get so old, I used to walk to school, uphill, barefoot in the snow, Ha! The Slip N Slides today are FANCY. You hook the hose up to a nozzle in the Slip N Slide and it shoots a waterfall of water down the runway that ends in a little kiddie pool of its own. AND it comes with an inflatable Slide Boogie that you can use to break your fall from air to plastic.

The Culprit

 

 

 

 

 

      The thing about playing on a Slip n Slide as an adult is that you get bored easily just running and sliding on your stomach. Sooner rather than later you find yourself attempting a barrel roll or trying to slide backwards. Or, eventually, you do what I did, you cartwheel, then leap sideways and slide, ala Tom Cruise in "Risky Business".

      Tom Cruise definitely had a more graceful ending than I did. As I slid down the Slip n Slide post cartwheel I suddenly stopped, my left ankle turned a few ways it shouldn't go and I went down screaming. I looked down and my foot was facing a way you never, ever want to see your foot go. I instinctively reached down and pushed my foot the other way and felt a few bones move. Luckily for me, the emergency response of my family is incredibly fast. My new-found friend Rick, sat on the Slip n Slide with my head in his lap, stroking my face, calming me down as Sara held my hand. I was incredibly proud that in the midst of all this trauma I cracked a little joke, telling Rick, "It's nice to meet you, Rick." My physical therapist mother and firefighter father came out and assessed the situation as my mother so astutely responded, "We've gotta go to the hospital Bill." In the blink of an eye, my cousin Liberty ran and fetched my wallet, Sara threw her dress over my head, my Mom splinted the break with the inflatable Slide Boogie and some tape, my Dad and Brother brought over a chair, lifted me into the chair, carried me to the car that Liberty had pulled around, with pillows in the back seat and they loaded me into Ambulance de Liberty and before I knew it I was screaming at my mother who was simply trying to put me into a wheelchair to get me into the E.R.
    I don't think I have ever been in that amount of pain nor do I ever want to experience that again AND I had had a few beers by then. God help the person who has to experience that pain sober.  In fact I used one curse word so many times in the E.R. that my mom finally turned to me and said, "Find a new word!" I won't walk you through the rest of the experience though I did get the opportunity to be weighed like a dolphin! When I announced that to my family as they arrived to visit me later they just thought I was hopped up on morphine, but I swear the nurse told me that when they weighed me. Oh well, at least she didn't say this is how you weigh a whale?!

Oliver keeps me company in the hospital!

     I somehow managed to pull off a trimalleolar fracture breaking 3 bones where they connect at the ankle and dislocating it. We had to wait for the food and alcohol to get out of my system before I could go into surgery, but alas, by that time my foot was too swollen. I was sent home with a splint and 3 broken bones. I flew home to Los Angeles with my Mom in time to film a short film I had booked prior to the accident. Flying with a broken bone is fun in the sense that you get to be wheeled all around the airport and cut straight in front of people in the security line. It's not fun once you start gaining altitude, but I made it home and made it through the film shoot. On July 15th I went to the hospital and finally had surgery. I am now the proud owner of some plates and pins in my left foot and will only accept being called a Bionic woman from now on.
   It's been a little over two months since this happened and I'm getting there. I think I will save what I've learned from Life on Crutches for another blog. There's something to be said about losing your freedom of movement and having to slow down your life and take some time for yourself. Lessons to be learned everywhere. If I learned anything its that God will strike you down if you choose to rock a bikini!  ; )

 

Needless to say I missed that callback for TIDE. . .  I didn't get sunburned though!