Shattering Honest Connection, Real Feelings and Male/ Female Friendships.

A crush is a powerful thing. Your crush remains powerful until it becomes known. When you see someone that sparks that spark and ignites that hope, there's not much you can do to destroy the image of them that intrigued you in the first place. It usually only starts to die or erode the more that you actually interact with them. I personally LOVE crushes. I LOVE the excitement of meeting someone new and dancing around them with a spark of interest and laughter. I say dance because that is how it feels when this magic happens; like your energy is dancing around one another.

I have crushes ALL the time. Sometimes they last a moment, sometimes they last years, sometimes a few days,  but they all pan out differently. I have been working on living a year of honest connection and doing my best to connect truthfully with everyone that I come into contact with. It has been an interesting journey so far, but sometimes it creates confusion amongst myself, and the person I'm connecting with. Think about this, when was the last time that you actually looked someone in the eyes? I ask, because I have noticed that there are an alarmingly SMALL amount of people that will actually look you in the eyes when you talk to them. I was one of those people, and I had no idea, until I realized, that I could not tell you the color of my best friends eyes. How was that possible? I live with Megan, we work together, we hang out together, spend a lot of time together, yet I couldn't tell you what color EYES she had? I was shocked. I thought, wow, this is a serious problem. From that point on, I vowed that I would know what color of eyes all of my friends have. I took it one step deeper and embarked on a journey of growth that is ongoing (obviously) as it always should be, and it has now evolved into connecting on a deeper level with everyone I interact with.

Here lies the issue: People do not connect on a regular basis, face to face, or voice to voice even. A lot of time is spent connecting via Facebook or texting,  and I.M.ing, that its almost as if we have forgotten how to connect with each other if its not in digital form. I try to go through my days now making eye contact,  sending them my energy and being open to receive others energy and what they're all about.

It has been an interesting experiment. They get confused. I get confused. Why? Well, I meet someone, look them in their eyes, they make eye contact back and that dance of energy starts to happen, but because we're so unfamiliar with such a connected exchange, people misinterpret its meaning.  Suddenly he thinks I'm interested, or I think he's interested. We have an interesting conversation and connect on a deeper level, I think wow, this guy is awesome, I could date him, and then he mentions his live in girlfriend, wife, etc. Make sense? So, my question is; is it just that we used to know how to play this game and dance this dance with one another and we've simply forgotten? Because when we connect in this manner as opposed to crafting a well written text, FB message, online dating profile, etc, we have the time to craft it with a perfect amount of wit and charm, with the safety of deleting things we are unsure of?? Limiting and deleting the delicious flaws and flubs that make all of us so beautifully human?

Is this an ability that we have lost or simply a new skill that we are cultivating? Its fair to say that most relationships in the 50's and 60's were lacking a deep, emotional connection. (Of course there are exceptions, my grandparents being one of them). A lot of people found their husbands or wives within a five mile radius to the home they grew up in. Today, it is entirely feasible to meet the love of your life within the confines of your own home, even though they live across the world in Singapore. The world has gotten bigger and more accessible, all the while making it feel smaller and smaller. I often think about what my life would be like had our world remained small and limited. Would I have found a boy in my hometown that I settled down with and raised a happy family?! Maybe? Or perhaps all of the past generations and their struggles to define relationships and break out of traditional molds have led us to this exact place?

Which leads me to my next question. Can men and women simply just be friends? I've had multiple conversations about the differences between men and women. Since the dawn of existence men were designed to spread their seed and keep the human race alive, while women were built to nurture and mother, take care of the human race. Is it so embedded in our bodies from past lives and experiences that we are unable to overcome our cave man tendencies? Or is this a convenient excuse?

Someone said to me recently that in every man/ woman friendship there lies different degrees of sexual attraction. I would like to think that I am adult enough to be able to control my attraction to someone that is unavailable or in a relationship. And I will say that so far, I have been.  There have been studies about the science of attraction and proof that levels of desire and chemistry vary within different partnerships. That the more time you spend with a partner with that high level of chemistry the stronger it gets. Does chemistry have the ability to override judgment, morals and ethics in solid, trustworthy, reliable people? I can't say that this is something I've ever experienced. There were boys in college that were in a relationship that I enjoyed getting attention from, but it wasn't a chemical thing. Back then it was an insecurity issue, and having myself validated through their attention.

One thing is for certain, human beings are complex, complicated people who have to be able to function in ever changing and challenging environments. I LOVE IT. I love the ride and the experience of showing up and being 100% present in every moment and every connection. I don't know that there are answers to all of my questions, but I'd rather buckle up and swerve through this little obstacle course we call life than sit in the driver seat terrified to turn the key in the ignition.

Get out there and shatter that facade of connection you carry with you. Confuse yourself. Confuse them. Let's dance.